'Moms Talk': Today's Question, How Do You Feel About 'Bribing' Your Kids?

Whenever report cards are due, the conversation invariably comes up: Do you pay your kids for their grades? Does that work to motivate them? What's your reasoning? We hear kids discussing it on the school grounds--as if they are comparison shopping. "Do your parents try to bribe you with...."

So we start out this week with that question.

Q. What do you think of 'bribing' your children?

TRISH TSOIASUE:

Here's my two cents.
We pay our son for performance.  Good overall grades at the end of the year, gets good pay.  It's an all or nothing, so he must get top scores in all categories to earn his (substantial) reward.  I don't see anything wrong with giving him a little incentive.  On the other hand, he is expected to purchase his own toys and fun items.  If he wants a new game system, he sets his goal, saves, then buys it with his own cash.  (Yes, sometimes we help him to make his goal, for a really high end item, he needs to put up at least 50%).

In my book it's just fine for him to understand the value of money.  If you look at it from the perspective that we actually spend less, because it slows down his spending... We win!

Q. But didn't you buy Beatles Rock Band for him?

A. That was totally my indulgence for myself.  He happened to like the Beatles...good memory! On the other hand, he set the XBox and Kinect as his goal six months before the Kinect came out.  He put $300 towards the purchase of both and a few games. He's saving for a PS3 now.  I told him he can get whatever game system  he wants as long as he's paying for it.

NICOLE GRACIE: If we are talking about bribing kids for grades (or even soccer goals scored), I'm opposed to it mostly because I think it doesn't work. First of all, not every kids puts a value on money. And how much money do you have to give to make it worth it?  Also, I think it sends the message that as parents, we really care about grades for the wrong reasons. It's important to us, therefore we will pay for it. The better approach, in my opinion, is to try to cultivate the desire to do well in your child, so that he/she is doing for his/herself. If you can instill that in your child, I think you will have a much easier time when they get to high school and you really have no control how hard they work. Also, something to keep in mind is that success should be measured differently for different students. Did they put in their best effort is the real question.
I do  like the idea of rewarding for a job well done, after the fact. My favorite end-of-year-good report card treat is a few $5 gift cards to places on 2nd street (Jamba Juice, YogurtLand). That way, she can walk up there over the summer and buy herself a treat.

ELIZABETH BORSTING

As a mom I prefer the word persuading kids, but who am I kidding?  It’s bribing and, at times, threatening.  Typically my bribes are rewards.  So, for example, if you clean your room and do some weeding in the yard my 13-year-old can hang out with his friends after school or use the computer.  If my daughter picks up her playroom, she can go on Webkinz on the computer.  When it comes to meals and they refuse to even try something new or different, the reward may be computer time or dessert if they take a few bites and, better yet, actually eat their meal.

We want to hear your thoughts and opinions about this, so feel free to comment future subjecfts at the comment section after the story.