Advice Column: Sound Off on Sex Roles

When I first began to date as a young man, I was intrigued by the different sexual and romantic rules that applied to men and women. 

Little did I know that my desire to understand these differing rules and how they affected and shaped my emotional and sexual relationships–knowingly and unknowingly–would be a lifelong pursuit.

Over the past century, the role of women in American society has undergone drastic changes.

Women today certainly have a range of options and opportunities that far outstrip those of our grandmothers or even our mothers. Yet, as we enter the second decade of the 21st century, many of our social values that govern love, sex and matrimonial life remain markedly different in many ways for men and women. While both men and women may openly and freely engage in the pursuit of love and sex, how they reach their quest is not always the same. 

Our cultural traditions are strong and differences in the socialization and physiology of men and women remain a reality. And unfortunately–or fortunately, depending on your personal views–many traditional sex roles remain deeply embedded in modern-day relationships, both straight and gay. When these traditional roles collide with modern day realities, which they often do, couples find themselves in conflict.

In this column we will explore the many different conflicts and challenges that contemporary couples face in their day-to-day relationships.

I have been a practicing marriage and family counselor and have taught university courses in the sociology of marriage and the family.  I have graduate degrees from University of Western Ontario and University of California, Berkeley.  I have lived in Silver Lake for nearly 25 years and recently published a book titled How to Pick a Lover: For Women Who Want to Win at Love.

Now to get things started,  let’s hear from both women and men on this topic: "Is a woman free to seek sex simply for the pure physical enjoyment it gives her?"

And if you have a question you'd like to ask, please email me at wesford@aol.com.  All questions will be kept confidential, though they may be edited.