My Not-So-Grown-up Christmas List

Needless to say, Christmas is a whole new ballgame around here now, although the chaos probably won't kick in full-tilt until next year. But in the last few months, there are definitely a few things I wish I had. Some of them don't even exist, but why should that stop me?

Simpler bottles: Apparently, a bottle and a nipple just aren't enough anymore. I had no idea just how far this technology had come in the name of preventing my sons from consuming air. And as much as I can appreciate that, at 2 a.m., it would be nice to have something that doesn't have to be field-stripped like an M-16.

A faster camera: In fact, since Christmas is all about child-like dreams, how about something built right into my eye? I can't even count the number of great photo opps I've missed becuase I didn't have a hand free: middle fingers, the Dr. Evil pinky, crazy bug eyes that say, "You're gonna put that thermometer where?!" You can't get these moments back.

A better mobile: My oldest son loves his Mod Mickey mobile, and he's quite a fusser, so it's nice to have an ace in the hole when he doesn't want to stay in his crib. I wind it up, and he's instantly mesmerized—for about 17 seconds.

A Snuggie made from barf rag material: An interesting dymanic starts to develop when you're facing a constant barrage of bodily functions from a third (and fourth) party: You get a little lazy. So why not take the ultimate in home lounging fashion and technology, and combine it with a very underappreciated but nonetheless essential child-care tool. Puke on me all you want; I'm comfortable.