Grads: On the Cusp of College, Avoid These Mistakes

Unlike the graceful, erudite women in Justin's, I was a little less ... poised.

During my senior year in high school I dated a freshman in college. Cool for me, kind of a bummer for him. I still had a curfew and lived 30 minutes away in Gaithersburg.

Mom liked Pat because he was kind and genuine. I liked him because he had a genuinely good fake ID. So good, in fact, that he could buy booze anywhere. And so when my all-girls Catholic high school scheduled our senior retreat on Maryland’s eastern shore - a hop, skip and a jigger from campus - I thought it’d be a good move to drink in some college debauchery en route to spiritual healing and high school reflection.

Bad idea jeans.

I still say a little prayer that Maria and I didn’t drive off the Chesapeake Bay Bridge.  How we concocted a designated driver plan with both of us drinking and swapping seats midway through the trek, I’ll never know. Maybe it was Golden Earring’s vibes crackling from her mom’s ’82 hatchback Camry that kept me steering straight; it certainly was not the can of Budweiser in the console or my cigarette smoke billowing from the windows.

By the grace of God, we pulled into the retreat safely, some several hours behind everyone else (no humans or wildlife were harmed during the drive). When our religion teacher walked up to the car, I didn’t think, “Oh, I bet we smell like a Terrapin dive bar.’’ Nope. I thought, “Run and hug her!’’

Bad idea jeans.

In hindsight, I realize the breath and bleary eyes cemented what she suspected: hijinks. She followed us into our room and explained how we were about to graduate and that we were adults and needed to be responsible for our actions. I don’t remember a lecture on drinking per se, but things are a little fuzzy from that night. We probably escaped suspension because we were good students, headed to college and had four minutes left of the school year. Plus, maybe she didn’t want to deal with the paperwork headache.

We were stupid and lucky, and it’s rare when those adjectives unite.

So, graduates, as you elbow your way into the real world, one where everyone has a recording device that captures clever thoughts as easily as regrettable actions, here are seven tips you should definitely follow:

Survivial Tips for Semester One in College

 1.  Go to class. No, seriously. The guy behind you is only going to let you copy his notes, like, six times.

2.  Only send texts you’d let your mom read, especially since she’s probably paying for your plan.

3.  When you’re wicked mad at your roommate, hallmate or the person you’re sort of hanging out with, email that scathing sentiment to yourself, sleep on it, and if you still feel that way, then hit send (unless it lascivious, then refer to tip #1).

4.   Never drink anything from a 10-gallon trash can. In fact, never drink anything that you didn’t open or pour yourself.

5.  Never–and, really, if you ignore all other advice, take heed to this–never date anyone on your dorm floor.

6.  Wait until second semester to take an 8:30 a.m. class; first semester, you’ll open a crusted eye, roll over and think, nah.

7.  Don't start smoking--do you really want to be the person who always needs an ashtray?