That's a Naughty Puppy, West Hartford Lunch & Learn Series, Breakdancing Shakespeare

Good morning, West Hartford! Today is Wednesday, Aug. 14, 2013; there are 139 days left in the year.

Much like Karen Carpenter, rainy days and Mondays always get me down. But the rainy days get me even downererer (totally word) since I had kids and a dog.

Did you know that the word “children” is derived from the Swahili term for “Satan’s-minions-who-do-everything-they-can-to-distract-you-from-doing-your-work,-including-fighting-over-the-interpretations-of the-rules-of-certain-board-games”?

It’s a mouthful, which is why they came up with a single word for it: children.

Oh, and the dog. Man, I missed having a dog. Until I got one.

Like a criminal, our dog Lilly has several aliases. She’s also known as “Naughty Puppy,” “The Sock Terrorist” and “Get in Your Crate.”

My wife has gone out and bought everyone new socks since we got our hosiery-chomping fiend. She shows no signs of mitigating or improving her behavior.

So, back to the rainy day on Tuesday. There is a future in litigation for both of my stepchildren, who fought so bitterly and vigorously over a game of Sorry!, you would have thought they were defending Whitey Bulger.

And, much like Bulger’s lawyers and Whitey himself, the kids wound up losing, too, by being sent to their version of the hoosegow - their rooms.

So did the Naughty Puppy, who got stuck in her crate after she destroyed most of my socks, a roll of duct tape and a roll of toilet paper. Oh, and she also thinks our cat is lunch.

I need vodka. And a vacation. But mostly vodka.

Here’s your Daily 5:

1. Family Program: Story & Crafts at the CT Historical Society. Always fun.

2. Lunch & Learn Series at the West Hartford Senior Center. It’s about laughing.

3. Golf Demystified for Women today at 6 p.m.

4. People, we can all agree that breakdancing and Shakespeare, taken on their own mertis, are freakin’ awesome. But when you put the two together? Mind and blown.