Moms Talk: How to Handle Bullies?

Q: My daughter Haley is in middle school. She's a pretty girl, and certainly not overweight. There is a group of girls who torment Haley, daily. They tease her about her weight, her hair, and her clothes.

One girl in particular has been mean to Haley. Haley and I met with her and her mother in their home. The girl's mother was genuinely empathetic. The girl sat looking bored and annoyed. The talk lasted about an hour. I felt we had resolved the issue.

I was wrong. The situation worsened. Haley cannot go into the bathroom without one of these girls following her inside, kicking the stall door open, or harassing her.

During a class, one of the girls sitting behind Haley poked her in the spine with a pen. Haley let out a cry, jumped out of her seat and told the girl to stop. The teacher reprimanded my daughter for disrupting the class although Haley explained what had happened. No action was taken against the girl who poked my daughter.

I arranged for Haley to meet with a school counselor and the assistant principal to discuss the ongoing problem. The administration did speak with the girls involved. The bullying stopped for about a week. It started again, and the school's reaction has been there's nothing more that can be done unless my daughter is harmed in some way.

Well, she is harmed. She's mentally and emotionally abused by these girls.

Haley is depressed. She has stopped eating regularly because she now believes that she is fat. She skipped school twice. My bubbly, light-hearted daughter has become a withdrawn, anxious, and increasingly angry child.

We are in family therapy. Haley has therapy alone. We are getting help, however, the bullies are not and they are not being dealt with by the school, their parents, or anyone.

What is the next step? Have a conference with the bullies, their parents, myself and my child? Do I take legal action against the school? Do I take legal action against the bullies? Do I pull my daughter out of school?

I feel a desperate need to do something, and quickly.

A: It sounds like you and Haley have done everything right; you met with the bully and her parents, and you've discussed the issue with the school.

Document everything. Dates, times, and have Haley write down exactly what happened. Notify the school and the girls' parents every single time.

If the girls have committed three or more bullying offenses against Haley, they can be mandated to an alternative school. I'd suggest discussing that with the girls' parents and school officials.

The Senate Bill 250, an anti-bullying law, was passed in Georgia last year. The new law defines bullying more broadly, requires school systems to adopt policies on dealing with bullying, expands its application to include elementary school students, and requires parents to be notified every time their child is bullied or bullies someone else.

The new law requires that students are mandated to an alternative school after the third offense.

Cobb County schools must develop policies and have them in place before the August deadline. You can talk with school board members about these issues while they are in the process of reviewing and improving the anti-bullying policy.

Two families with children in the Murray County Schools system have filed lawsuits against the school district. Tyler Long, 17, committed suicide in October 2009. Tyler’s parents sued the Murray school district in federal court alleging school system employees were negligent in preventing the bullying they say led to Tyler’s suicide.

So yes, you can file a lawsuit against the school district if you don't feel the bullying is being dealt with properly.

Do you have advice about how to handle bullies?