When Your Child Doesn't Want to Go to School

It is normal for children feel a little nervous at the beginning of a school year. Sometimes, it takes a little bit of time to get back into the swing of things and readjust to new classrooms, teachers, peers, and subjects. Other times, the adjustment period and transition into a new school year can be overwhelmingly stressful and bring out some feelings or behaviors that you, as a parent, may not have seen before in your child.

School Refusal (SR) is the term used to describe the act of refusing to attend school due to symptoms of anxiety or depression, which may become exacerbated during the school day or at the thought of going to school. SR usually presents itself in the form of emotional outbursts, typically in the morning or when arriving at school. It may also present itself in the form of anxiety attacks, which can leave a child feeling drained, sullen, sad, and withdrawn.

It is important for parents to know the difference between what is normal and what is not normal when it comes to not wanting to go to school, and what could potentially be a symptom of a larger, underlying issue like depression or an anxiety disorder.

Normal: Asking for 5 more minutes of sleep.

Not normal: Purposely staying in bed until the very last minute before having to go to school.

It’s not uncommon for children to push limits and test their parents. But if a child stays in bed longer than usual with no apparent reason (sickness or exhaustion) they may be purposely staying in bed hoping that the parent lets them go to school late or stay home altogether. This could be an effort to avoid something at school or a sign of separation anxiety. Looking at these behaviors in the context of the different stages of child development will help parents and mental health professionals determine what is age-appropriate behavior or what isn’t.

Normal: time-limited grouchiness or some attitude that is diverted using distraction, change in conversation, or some extra motivation from mom and dad.

Not normal: Emotional outbursts that last longer than what is considered “normal” for the particular child.

Every parent knows their child and what might send them off into age-appropriate tantrums. If having to go to school in the morning causes a full-blown tantrum unlike others or an emotional outburst that seems endless, mean-spirited, or even escalates to the point of violence, there may be some trigger at school or changes within the family life that are causing anger and fear in the child.

Normal: Going to the nurse and calling home sick once in a blue moon.

Not Normal: Frequently leaving class to go to the nurse and wanting to call home sick.

School desks and supplies can be a petri dish during flu season and food poisoning from last night’s leftover pizza is unpredictable. So, getting sick occasionally in the middle of the day and not being able to finish out the school day is somewhat inevitable. But frequently complaining of headaches and stomachaches or leaving class to go to the nurse on a daily or weekly basis with no physical symptoms like a fever or vomiting may indicate that the child is trying to avoid a certain class, teacher, or bully.

*Clinical note: Anxiety in children often presents itself in the form of headaches and nausea. It is advised to consult a mental health professional if your child frequently complains of physical symptoms that cannot be medically explained by a pediatrician.

It is important to remember that other situations unrelated to school can influence child behavior. Difficult transitions and changes in family life such as divorce, financial instability, loss of a loved one or pet can cause sudden behavioral and emotional issues in children that might make going to school or concentrating on academic responsibilities harder than usual.

Child anxiety and depression often looks very different than in adults. Children might show symptoms of anxiety and depression through avoidance behavior, throwing tantrums, or complaining of physical ailments. Not only can anxiety and depression underlie school refusal behaviors, but children who frequently miss school are at a higher risk of developing psychiatric disorders than their peers who consistently attend school. For this reason, it is imperative that parents stay educated on mental health challenges regarding school anxiety and be aware of signs and symptoms of what could potentially be larger psychiatric concerns.

Author

Allison Stein is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and staff therapist at the Counseling Center of the North Shore (CCNS), a mental health center located in Winnetka. Information about CCNS and its services can be found at www.ccns.org.