Marion Business Helps Family Face First Christmas Without Father, Husband: Best of 2012

Editor's Note: As the year winds down, Waukee Patch is looking back at some of the stories that made you talk, cry, laugh or just scratch your head.

• By Holly Hines
• December 17, 2012

Above Mark Patterson’s grave stands a hand-built wreath, molded around a bike wheel. His children and wife designed it to reflect his personality and his family’s love.

His youngest daughter, Lily, 4, chose to decorate it with a doll and present.

His 7-year-old twins Elizabeth and Luke wanted clothespin-people - a mom and three kids, just like their family.

Lip balm was an obvious decoration choice, said his wife, Sarah Patterson. Before Mark died suddenly of an aortic aneurism at age 34 in August, he was chief executive officer at Eco Lips, an organic lip balm company in Cedar Rapids. He was also an avid bicyclist and adventurer with an all-around healthy lifestyle.

The Pattersons put up his wreath before Thanksgiving. Then, on December 10, they gathered again at Cedar Memorial Cemetery to surround the wreath with other decorations for Mark’s birthday.

A memorial fund has been set up for Mark's children. You can get more information and make a donation at this link.

The kids wore party hats and brought red and green balloons to leave for dad. They set up a Christmas tree covered in red bows, and lit a candle. When the wind immediately snuffed it, Sarah told them dad had blown out his birthday candle.

Holidays have been rough for Mark’s family. Sarah said they cope, in part, by staying busy. She chooses to focus on the kids, and to continue doing things they enjoy.

“I think you just want to make your children happy,” she said.

According to The Hospice of Central Iowa, recognizing which holiday activities you still enjoy can be an important part of grief. On their website, Hospice workers suggest making lists of holiday activities you like, as well as those you want to eliminate, and discussing the lists with loved ones.

They recommend making new traditions, leaving invitations open-ended, and avoiding crowded malls, as well.

As part of their plan to keep busy, the Patterson family saw a movie on Thanksgiving. The holidays have been inevitably different, Sarah said. But they’re sticking with many of their old traditions, like making a gingerbread house. Sarah said having fun helps the kids stay positive, a task that’s harder for the adults.

Sarah’s children - Lily and the twins Luke and Elizabeth - don’t completely understand the finality of death. Lily, who was with Sarah when she found Mark at home after the aneurism, still believes people can come back to life. Sarah can relate to their confusion.

“I just want him back so bad,” she said.

Adjusting to her role as a single parent has been tough. Sarah, once a stay-at-home mom, is now considering careers, as well as decisions about selling her home. She’s also learning new ways to relate to her children, who are used to Mark doing the discipline, not Sarah.

Sarah, who sees herself as less optimistic than Mark, thinks of her active, energetic, positive husband as her motivator. Without him around, she struggles.   

“He was really the most positive person I’ve ever met in my life,” she said.

All this leaves little time for Sarah to prepare for the holidays. When it comes to presents and food, though, Marion’s OHM Studio Yoga recently lent a hand.

Right before he died, Mark suggested Sarah take a yoga class at Fusion Studio in Cedar Rapids. She’s been doing yoga ever since. Exercise distracts her and cleanses her mind, she said.

But Sarah’s instructor, Lisa Hanigan, noticed the family’s hardship. In December, yoga instructors Hanigan and yoga instructor Nancy Wright adopted the Patterson family for a “one day yoga-thon” event. They hosted several free workshops at OHM Studio, located on Seventh Avenue, asking participants to donate whatever they could to Sarah and her children.

About a dozen people attended the final workshop of the day, including Sarah. Many more offered donations and letters of support earlier that day, as well. All-in-all, OHM raised $823 for Sarah’s family.

Though the yoga event is over, Eco Lips continues to collect donations for the Patterson family. Anyone interested in donating can get more information and make a donation at this link.