Marion Editor's Corner: Christmas Shopping as an Adult, For the First Time

Now that I have my first "adult" job after college, I have the resources and the societal responsibility to give gifts to every little cousin, aunt, uncle, grandparent, niece and nephew, instead of solely warmly welcoming their presents.

I didn't ask for this.

Still, with my newly acquired free trial of the Amazon Prime account, I will be able to purchase all of these gifts early next week and have free two-day shipping.

This means I will purchase all my gifts from the enormous, online retailer while getting away with the crime of last minute shopping.

In the first of this series, I will introduce you to the family members that I will be doling out reasonably priced presents to. For the sake of brevity, I will be writing mostly about the gifts to my immediate family.

Family

• Edwin M. A.K.A. "Dad." A generous, good hearted but impatient man. 
  • Likes: Action and Sci-Fi movies, spending time with his family, classic rock and expensive items that he has managed to afford after building his business for the last 30 or so years.
• Susan. A.K.A. "Mom." A kind-hearted, Oprah- and Jesus-loving mother presently enduring additional stress due to the impacts of the economic recession on the family business.
  • Likes: Reading, "Nice, clean movies," relaxing evenings with one glass of red wine, Frasier, Seinfeld and opera singers, especially Sarah Brightman.
• Melissa. A.K.A. "Missy." My doting older sister that has treated me like the son she now has since I was born. She is a success and family driven woman nine years my senior.
  • Likes: 80's and early 90's music, practical gifts and the sort of specific fashion taste that a naive young man like myself would not dare replicate in a gift. Has stated that neither she nor her husband, daughter and son require gifts (Editor's note: Too bad).
• Edwin J. A.K.A. "Eddie." My doting, quirky older brother. He's best described as an absent-minded genius with a big heart and, at times, awkwardly loud laughter.
  • Likes: Music, movies, video-games, cooking, eating, reading and his various intellectual curiosities.
• Ben. A.K.A. "Ben." Ben and my sister have been together since their first year of college. He's a definite people pleaser — in the good way, not the Mommy Dearest manipulative way — and always manages to have a clever, non-threatening joke in response to even the most awkward comments made by my family. He is especially patient and loving with his two adorable kids.
  • Likes: 80's and early 90's pop and rock, audio equipment and gadgets.
• Russel. A.K.A. "The kid that made me an uncle." He is an adorable 5-year-old boy — so good looking my cousin mistook a framed picture of him for a stock photo — that is contemplative, a little shy, curious, intelligent and buckets of fun.
  • Likes: Candy of all persuasions, cake, throwing things at people's heads, getting read to, going to kindergarten, trucks and a wide assortment of toys.
• Eliza. A.K.A. "Liza." A positively beautiful 3-year-old girl with a generous heart, adorable smile and a great love for attention. She melts hearts like so many James Bond laser-beams.
  • Likes: Candy of all persuasions, makeup, being read to, watching public television kids programs on DVD and stuffed animals.
• Meagan. A.K.A. "Lovely." My beautiful, dorky girlfriend of 1.5 years. Endlessly polite, supportive, warm hearted, pretty and gullible. She is an accomplished archaeology student completing a year long internship with the Field Museum in Chicago.
  • Likes: Chocolate, chicken wings, tacos that I make, terrible Lifetime Network movies, Star Wars and Indie Pop music.

Extended Family

• Hilda. Grandmother.
• John. Uncle. Notably the most elaborate gift giver in the family.
• Christie. Aunt.
• Nancy. Aunt. Notably the best dessert baker.
• Michael. Uncle.
• Krista. Cousin.
• John. Cousin in law? Cool Encyclopedia Britannica writer wed to Krista.
• Robert. Uncle. Nice Guy. 
• Susie. Aunt.
• Sarah. Cousin.
• Ben. Cousin.

Stay tuned for next week, where I buy the gifts and give my reasoning and relative expectation for failure.