Valentine's Day Review: Five Things You Don’t Have to Do on Valentine’s Day

1. The buying of the stuff

That’s right, I’m taking on the big kahuna upfront: Valentine’s Day is a commercial scam. But the money grubbing holiday card companies that created it don’t necessarily need to define it for the rest of us. Many will be buying chocolates from , or wine from , but it isn’t necessary. I’ll finish that thought at the end, where I break the rules and suggest something to do.

2. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t get the mother-load

What’s more important for your valentine is not what he or she buys you, but what they say and do. Again, Your special day is not about being surprised with gifts and steaks and steak-gifts, but about bringing both of you a little bit closer, emotionally. It is that “loving feeling” you are looking for, it’s true that knowing someone went out of their way to spend hard-earned cash on gifts can do that for you, but it isn’t the only way.

3. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

No “I’m going to change baby, my online poker addiction will NO LONGER take precedence over the grieving process of your late, great-uncle.” Making wild promises feels like the right thing to do, but make sure it is something that you can reasonably accomplish. 

4. Don’t put pressure on Valentine’s Day to revive your relationship.

Maybe something’s happened between you two that has changed things a little, a lot, or wholly and irreversibly. Making an awesome day of romance, fine food, wine and some late-night COUGH — excuse my cold — isn’t going to change things back. Be sweet and be understanding, but don’t get your hopes up for thing to change.

5. You don’t have to do it on Valentine’s Day.

If your valentine has work or other obligations, don’t get mad. Again, it’s not about the things we all think about on Valentine’s Day — cards, roses, chocolates, diamonds and the like — it’s about taking time to celebrate your relationship. So it doesn’t matter when you have it, have it in July. Having a summer Valentine’s Day would be way, way better.

This all ads up to, do whatever you want on Valentine’s Day. My suggestion: remind each other of why you’re together, remind your valentine of what that person has done for you. Open up and show all your love in a setting that makes you feel safe and leaves room for honesty, trust, and a private location for COUGH — sorry, it's apparent there's no cure for the common cold.

Then try to do that every day. Every other day? Each month. Each fortnight?

Whatever works, talk amongst yourselves.