Letter to the Editor: Teen Dating Abuse is a Community Challenge

As the details of Lauren Astley’s murder unfold, many of us are struggling to understand how this tragedy could have happened and what, if anything, could have been done to prevent it. Until this case is presented in court, we will not know the facts and therefore cannot guess at what happened and why. We can, however, look beyond this case to understand dating abuse in an effort to prevent it or intervene before another tragedy occurs.

While homicide is not common in teen dating relationships, various kinds of abuse are becoming increasingly more common among young people.  According to a Liz Claiborne and Family Violence Prevention Fund study, nearly 1 in 3 teens who have been in a serious relationship report experiencing physical harm, sexual abuse or threats of harm.  The same study states that 1 in 3 teens in a relationship were text messaged up to 30 times in one hour by a partner wondering where they were, what they were doing and who they were with. The study also said that almost 70% of those teens’ parents were not aware that this was happening.

Last month, I released a video that my office produced about teen dating abuse in an effort to help young people recognize the signs of abuse in a relationship. In the video, two young victims describe how the abuse started with jealousy, demands for more of their time and attention and needing to know where they were and who they were with. Both of these young women explain that they did not recognize this behavior as abuse.

We all need to better understand how abuse manifests itself in a teen dating relationship. Abuse is not easy to spot but there are some signs that could indicate when a relationship has become abusive.  Typical signs of an abusive relationship are when a boyfriend or girlfriend:

• is jealous or possessive,
• is critical or insulting,
• texts excessively,
• tries to control where their partner goes, what they wear and who they are with,
• demands more time and attention,
• pressures their partner for sex,
• hits, kicks, slaps or hurts their partner,
• threatens to hurt themselves or their partner if they break-up.

Parents, teachers, coaches, employers and clergy members need to be on the look out for this behavior and reach out to young people when we see it. Parents should talk with their teenagers about healthy relationships and encourage them to talk to them or another trusted adult if they or someone they know is experiencing this behavior in a relationship.

Aside from the fact that abuse is disturbing and damages the victims’ mental health – it also increases the likelihood that the victim will engage in risky behaviors such as alcohol and drug use as well as continue to be in abusive relationships in adulthood. So it is an essential part of our domestic violence prevention work to educate young people about healthy relationships.

Dating relationships, with all their ups and downs, are a part of growing up. Abusive relationships are unacceptable.

Jonathan Blodgett is the District Attorney for Essex County. His video, “Teens Talk About Dating Abuse,” can be seen at www.mass.gov/essexda.