'Pain is a Lonely Thing'

Kathleen O’Malley always believed she could have anything she wanted. As a wife, mother of a young daughter and successful businesswoman, she had no reason to doubt that.

Wanting a second child seemed the most natural step in her lives. “Our lives couldn’t have been more perfect,’’ she said.

But as she was to learn, life does not always deliver what we expect. Her effort to have a second child led to two early miscarriages, followed by the loss of a daughter in her 22^nd week of pregnancy.

Then she gave birth to Jade. The baby died an hour and forty minutes after birth.

Jade's death was followed by another miscarriage, then the stillbirth of her son Jackson.

There was no medical reason for these experiences. “That’s what really caused me to ask other questions,’’ she said.

She began to keep a journal. And she sought answers from diaries she had kept as a youth.

The healing that resulted from her emotional and spiritual journey is the subject of her book, “Messages from Within: Finding Meaning in Your Life Experiences’’ published by Balboa Press and available on Amazon.com and BN.com.

O’Malley is a chiropractor and co-owner with her chiropractor husband Tom O'Malley of O’Malley Health and Wellness Center in North Grafton. She will discuss her book at a program at 7:30 p.m. Thursday, March 29 at

She learned that prayers are always answered, she said. The answers, though, are not always the ones you might have hoped for, she said.

“Everyone’s here for as long as they’re meant to be here,’’ she said. “When I trust that, there is no fear. Our loved ones may not be here physically, but we still have them here with us. They’re still here.’’

The journey through difficult experiences into a state of peace and grace can be rocky. But it must be gone through, she said, if people are to begin to heal.

Many people deny their pain by smiling and pretending that nothing is wrong, she said. But that does not mean that all is well.

“We’re not whole, we’re not completely ourselves if we don’t deal with the pain. If we don’t deal with the pain, it still has its effects.’’

She encourages people to reach out to others. “Pain is a very lonely thing,’’ she said.

Finding a person to share the pain can help both the person in pain and the person listening, she said. “The purpose of life is to be there for other people,’’ she said. “When someone is willing to accompany you [on the journey through the pain], that’s a gift.’’

O’Malley acknowledges that she is human and sometimes falters. But she has found inner peace through taking time for herself and acknowledging that she cannot be there for everyone. She counts on others to help her through when she falls.

And she finds comfort and strength from her faith in God.

“I live in faith, rather than living in fear,’’ she said. “We can still dream and create our own dreams, but we need to be open to life.’’

Her dream of another child remains. Three embryos were harvested from her several years ago. Two attempted surrogate pregnancies did not take.

She decided to wait before making a third and final attempt. “We needed time to absorb’’ that experience, she said. When she does, she will try again.

Whatever will happen, she will accept the result with peace, a peace that she fought hard to obtain and one she feels is important to share with others.

“You need to allow the flow of life to take you wherever you are supposed to go,’’ she said.