Patch Teen Peer Panel Question of the Week

This week's question was suggested by Curtis Walls of Ladue High School. He wants to know if parents are pressing their children too much to get into the best colleges and universities?

Isabelle Stillman, John Burroughs

At Burroughs, I have not heard of or seen many parents pressure their children toward a certain school. Many parents nag their children to turn in applications, but in general leave the choices of school up to their kids. In my personal experience, my parents have encouraged me to look at many different schools and choose the one that is best for me, not necessarily the highest ranked school.

I have talked to many prospective parents, however, who are looking for a high school that sends the highest number of students to Ivy League schools. Many parents initially push for their students to aim for top tier schools, but when the time rolls around, they realize that what is most important is for their kids to be happy.

Spencer Desai, MICDS

I think that while some parents are very understanding and let their kids choose which colleges they want to attend, other parents are too intense about it. I know a few people have parents that push very hard for them to go to Ivy League colleges and while it is for all the right reasons, it does more bad than good.

Kids are put under so much pressure by their parents that they begin to put even more pressure on themselves. Parents realize that their kids have the potential to go to good colleges so that is why they put so much pressure on them but they have to realize that they should just be okay with whatever school their kid wants to go to. After all, it is the kid's decision, not theirs.

Molly Soto, St. Joseph's Academy

I think it depends on the family, I do believe some parents push their children too hard to get into the best universities and others are more supportive in their child and their choice of school. I also do not think it is a good idea to push children into a certain direction because it adds lots of stress and confusion to their teenager.

Victoria Watson, Villa Duchesne

To some extent: yes. Parents do urge their children to attend the best colleges, but this alludes to the question of “What are the best colleges?”

Are these schools the right fit for the prospective student, or are they just a boost for the parents’ egos? With this in mind, most parents have an inherent longing for their child to do well: to be successful, and to be happy. In the mind of a parent, the “best colleges” have a reputation of attaining these goals, therefore, it makes sense that they push as hard as they can for their children to get into them.

Though this is part of parenthood, there is a difference between pushing and pushing too hard. Parents have to be realistic with their expectations for their kids. Pushing someone to be a doctor or a lawyer when their interests lie elsewhere is simply unfair.

It seems that the drive for secondary education has lost its original point. “The best college” should be a place that is the best fit for the student, not a status name for the parent. A driven and hard working student will do well at any college. That is what parents should be really be pushing for.

Allison Hermann, St. Joseph's Academy

I think that while some parents are very understanding and let their kids choose which colleges they want to attend, other parents are too intense about it. I know a few people have parents that push very hard for them to go to Ivy League colleges and while it is for all the right reasons, it does more bad than good.

Kids are put under so much pressure by their parents that they begin to put even more pressure on themselves. Parents realize that their kids have the potential to go to good colleges so that is why they put so much pressure on them but they have to realize that they should just be okay with whatever school their kid wants to go to. After all, it is the kid's decision, not theirs.

Rebecca Antony, MICDS

No, I don't really think so. I may be very wrong on this since I am really not to the college-pick-out stage yet, but I am of the impression that parents understand that not getting into the best colleges isn't that big of a deal.

Yes, kids are undoubtedly pushed really hard to get into the best schools--but not by their parents. A combination of teachers, school administrators, and peer pressure from competitive and noncompetitive friends alike, is what pushes kids to get into the best colleges. Think about it.

Cate Toman, St. Joseph's Academy

Speaking from a personal point of view, I don't believe that parents push very hard for their kids to get into upper echelon schools, simply because I want to believe that most parents take into account their children's considerations for higher education.

I know it is a classic stereotype for parents to be the one who pushes for his child to attend an Ivy League school or something of the like, but I can't say that I know any parents who have that mindset.

My own parents are encouraging me to attend schools that will offer me scholarships or come with a moderate price tag; I think that they almost would prefer me not to apply/get into a high-ranking college or university because it would be more money for them to pay.

I imagine that many other parents of future university students feel the same way while we're in such an economy.

Here's a good article that might suggest best how to handle this whole issue.

Some resolutions for parents of college-bound teens.