Russ's Ravings: Parents Listen Up: I've Solved Virtual Learning

Editor's note: The following is Patch Field Editor Russ Crespolini's, hopefully, weekly column. It is reflective of his opinion alone.

Over the past few weeks we have all come to dread it. The call when something fails to connect.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Boomcrackle won't load and I can't get into Fizzwonk!"

In my house, there has been a myriad of issues with my fourth grader connecting. One of her library sessions virtually had all of the fourth and fifth grade on it. It was impossible to deal with. Sometimes the specific math app won't allow her to log in.

If she can't make a session, she can be marked absent.

And for the days she is in school that brings with it an entire new set of complications. The travel back and forth, her struggle with bathroom breaks and with the teachers trying to keep the kids outside of her cohort on virtual in sync.

The worries are real. My daughter is not learning like she would if she was in school full time. She is going to fall behind in math without the extra attention she could get in a regular year. She can't be involved in extracurricular activities and socialization.

And then there was her school issued computer. It would give the blue screen of death half the time you would turn it on, and when we would send it to be fixed we would get it back with it not fixed.

"It booted right up for me."

Right. Ok, but you need to actually duplicate the issue before you can fix it and send it back.

And our story is not a unique one.

But then I discovered how to make it all better with one flip of the switch.

I stopped caring.

Yup. I stopped caring whether or not Wonkwrinkle was giving out error messages or if Slapdazzle didn't take an assignment upload. I stopped caring if she missed a virtual session due to a connectivity issue or if her math app wasn't taking her answers.

Why? Because at the end of the day, none of it matters. When the math app doesn't work, she can fill it out in her workbook with a pencil. When she can't get into a session, she can message the teacher and connect with her on how to get back in sync. If she does fall behind? We have the rest of her life to help catch her up.

And this is not because I am an uninvolved or uninterested parent. I am very involved in my daughter's day-to-day activities and education. And I do try my best to keep her calm with routine and positive reinforcement almost to a fault.

In fact, my daughter asked that for her sense of normalcy I recreate the school lunches like she would get at the cafeteria in school.

And like the sucker I am, I did it.

• Monday: Mac and Cheese with breadcrumb topping
• Tuesday: Tacos
• Wednesday: Grilled Cheese with tomato soup
• Thursday: Crispy Chicken Salad
• Friday: Pizza

My point is, I do care, very deeply about my child and her socio-emotional well-being. But I also know that stressing out over these things out of our control are not going to help anyone. If attendance becomes an issue, I will hash it out with the school. If she needs tutors, I will find a way to pay for it.

Everyone just needs to focus on doing their best and biding our time until things get back to normal. Creating anxiety and difficulty when everyone is already at a breaking point.

So deal with things one day, one hour, one minute, one breath at a time. And trust the rest will get worked out. My method has decreased the level of tension and stress in my house.

I suggest you try it in yours.

Russ Crespolini is a Field Editor for Patch Media, adjunct professor and college newspaper advisor. His columns have won awards from the National Newspaper Association and the New Jersey Press Association.

He writes them in hopes of connecting with readers and engaging with them. And because it is cheaper than therapy. He can be reached at russ.crespolini@patch.com