Back To School Can Mean 'Back To Bullying;' Here's What You Can Do

The beginning of a new school year induces complaints from many kids. Earlier bedtimes, homework, and busy, structured days replace the lazy days of summer.

But for some kids, the return to school brings more than resigned irritation ... it brings fear. Fear of being targeted by peers for reasons that have nothing to do with anything except they’ve been singled out for derision.

Though New Jersey has passed strict legislation that defines how school districts must handle allegations of bullying, and despite the fact that school districts have programs aimed at preventing bullying aimed at every level, the problem persists.

According to the 2010–2011 School Crime Supplement (National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice Statistics) indicates that, nationwide, 28 percent of students in grades 6–12 experienced bullying, defined as repetitive, aggressive behavior by one child or a group of children against another.

According to WalletHub.com, that translates to more than 160,000 children missing school every day out of fear of being bullied, according to National Education Association estimates.

Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others,” notes StopBullying.gov, a website maintained by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Bullying takes many forms, ranging from the seemingly innocuous name-calling to the more harmful cyberbullying to severe physical violence. It happens everywhere, at all times to the most vulnerable of kids, especially those who are obese, gay or have a disability.

So how can parents identify whether their child is involved in bullying -- either as the victim or the perpetrator? And what can parents do address the situation?

Here are some tips from Violence Prevention Works and StopBullying.gov:

Your child may be being bullied if they have:

• Unexplainable injuries
• Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
• Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness
• Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.
• Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
• Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
• Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
• Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide

Your child may be bullying others if they:

• Get into physical or verbal fights
• Have friends who bully others
• Are increasingly aggressive
• Get sent to the principal’s office or to detention frequently
• Have unexplained extra money or new belongings
• Blame others for their problems
• Don’t accept responsibility for their actions
• Are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity

If your child is being bullied:

• Never tell your child to ignore the bullying.
• Don’t blame your child for the bullying. Don’t assume your child did something to provoke the bullying.
• Allow your child to talk about his or her bullying experiences. Write down what is shared.
• Empathize with your child. Tell him or her that bullying is wrong, that it is not his or her fault, and that you are glad he or she told you about it.
• Do not encourage physical retaliation.
• Check your emotions. A parent’s protective instincts stir strong emotions. Although it is difficult, step back and consider the next steps carefully.
• Contact a teacher, school counselor, or principal at your school immediately and share your concerns about the bullying that your child has experienced. Work closely with school personnel to help solve the problem.
• Encourage your child to develop interests and hobbies that will help build resiliency.
• Encourage your child to make contact with friendly students in his or her class, or help your child meet new friends outside of school.
• Teach your child safety strategies, such as how to seek help from an adult.

If your child bullies other children:

• Make it clear to your child that you take bullying seriously and that it is not okay.
• Make rules within your family for your child’s behavior. Praise your child for following the rules and use nonphysical and logical consequences when rules are broken.
• Spend lots of time with your child and keep close track of his or her activities.
• Find out who your child’s friends are and how and where they spend their free time.
• Build on your child’s talents by encouraging him or her to get involved in positive activities (such as clubs, music lessons, or nonviolent sports).
• Share your concerns with your child’s teacher, counselor, and/or principal. Work together to send a clear message to your child that his or her bullying must stop.
• If you and your child need more help, talk with a school counselor and/or mental health professional.

Cyberbullying presents specific challenges. Tips for parents include:

• Establish rules about appropriate use of computers, cell phones, and other technology. Be clear about what sites they can visit and what apps they can use. Show them how to be safe online.
• Know the sites your kids visit and the apps they use on their smartphones.
• Have a sense of what they do online and in texts and let your kids know you reserve the right to check it their devices at any time -- for their own safety.
• Help them be smart about what they post or say. Tell them not to share anything that could hurt or embarrass themselves or others. Once something is posted, it is out of their control whether someone else will forward it.
• Encourage kids to think about who they want to see the information and pictures they post online. Think about how people who aren’t friends could use it.
• Tell kids to keep their passwords safe and not share them with friends.
• Encourage your kids to tell you immediately if they, or someone they know, is being cyberbullied. Explain that you will not take away their computers or phones if they confide in you about a problem they are having.

(Bullying, by Pimkie, via Creative Commons)