How to De-Skunk Your Dog in 5 Easy Steps

(Although "Skunks and Dogs" would be an apt homage to the men I've dated, for the purposes of this article, I really am talking about skunks and dogs.)

Some people go to the annual “Running of the Bulls,” but our dog goes to the annual “Running of the Skunks” around this time every year. Since my dog, lovingly known as "Bad Dog" for reasons that are self-explanatory, excels in this sport our family has had ample opportunity to perfect the formula for removing the skunk stink.

Here it is for all of you to share, print and hang on the fridge. Because if you have a "Bad Dog" like I do, you just might need it.

1. Note: the only thing tomato juice is good for is making a Bloody Mary, which I Absolut-lyrecommend you do to keep you from committing homicide.
2. Change into old clothes and wear rubber gloves, wrap your hands in baggies, or put on your son’s Darth Vader robotic hands if that’s all you have. 
3. Mix together: 

• 1 quart of hydrogen peroxide
• 1/4 cup of baking soda  
• 2 tablespoons of Dawn dishwashing soap. (Dawn is key here--it’s the only soap that removes the skunk oil & what’s used on wildlife when there’s an oil spill.)

    4. Rub mixture into dog’s fur (avoiding eyes), leave on for 20 minutes and rinse well.

    5. Dispose of clothes, shower, and prepare yourself a large cocktail. You Absolut-ly earned it!