A Mother's Day Show-and-Tell on Patch

Show-and-tell. It's that great old elementary school bragster event when you bring something into the classroom, show it off to classmates and teacher and tell everyone why you love it so.

Since Mom was usually the one to help you get your show-and-tell project together, she was likely not the subject, nor did she probably even want to be.

Well, she should have been. So, we at Patch are conducting a make-up show-and-tell test for Mother's Day.

Here's how it goes. Show us your favorite photo of your mom, or any mom, with or without the kids. And tell us some things your mom says that are priceless or just plain funny, unbeknownst to her.

I'll start. My mother, Sally, could be found chatting in the produce aisle at the Acme at least twice a day. She never had a habit of straying very far from her Fair Haven home, but when she was MIA, it was a sure bet that's where she was.

If you teased her about it or anything else, she'd just look at you — me, actually — point her finger and say, "Let me tell you something. Don't be so damned fresh. I taught you how to talk. And your head was flat on one side. You would have been a freak if I didn't massage your head every day to make it round!"

Most of all, though, as much as she loved to go to the Acme and chat up the townies, there was always one snob she'd run smack into, smile and try to keep walking. That didn't always work. For some reason, everyone seemed to think my mother liked them, and she did like a lot of people. But, she had no use for phonies. And there's one in every aisle at the Acme, pretending they just had to pop in for one thing, because they wouldn't dream of being seen in a generic supermarket.

Every time she tried to escape one in the Acme, she somehow got ambushed with a braggart who never invited her to the high society parties, but, for some reason, just loved to tell her, of all people, how perfect her life and children were.

Her advice on those mishap runs to the Acme, beleaguered with incessant bull ... "Damn it, I ran into (that one or so and so) again ... It's a good thing I put a little lipstick on before I left. Never run out of the house without putting a little lipstick on first."

That's something you don't forget. Though she was quite unforgettable all on her own.

My all-time favorite, though, was when my very nice mother used her streak of sarcasm oh so perfectly. It came out one day when my high school friends and I were looking at our R-FH yearbook. We came across a picture of a girl, who shall remain nameless as we all go straight to Hell. Really bad pic. Really bad angle, really bizarre looking smile.

We looked at the pic, which was really, on all counts, just a really bad picture of this poor, very nice girl, and busted out laughing. Uncontrollable, soda-spewing- out-of-the-nose laughter.

My mother, ready to chide us for being mean, comes over, gets a gander of the source of hysteria and starts giggling uncontrollably, looks at us and says, "Oh, Lord ... tee hee hee ... That poor thing ... tee hee hee ... That's just awful ... tee hee hee ... God love 'er."

So, my advice to you, from Sally, as I have taken to heart, is that every time you feel like making fun of someone and just know it's a tad unjustified, but not altogether evil, throw in a "God love 'em!" and all will be right with the karma. Maybe.

I really miss my mother, but I take her with me everywhere I go with a little lipstick and "God love 'em!"

Advice from a lifetime friend's mom, Teddie Caulfield, if you're missing your mom today and feeling a little down: Have a Chicklet. Chicklets cure all. "Chicklet, anyone?"

Upload your photos and quotes and take a look at some R-FH area moms remembered, with us today or not.