The Top 10 Non-Traditional Holiday Songs

I have a secret to admit. I am a child of the '90s, with everything that entails. I've worn dresses with combat boots. I've thought green was a perfectly acceptable hair color. And once a week, I'd stay up way past my bedtime to listen to a show called Dr. Demento. Now, Dr. Demento has been on since the 70's, so I'm not the first generation to stumble onto his program on the AM dial (yes, kids… AM radio used to have music!) and be hooked. The weekly broadcast compiled some exceptionally odd music around themes, like cars or Halloween. Unfortunately, Dr. Demento (real name: Barret Eugene Hansen) stopped syndication in 2010, and the weekly dose of, shall we say, non-traditional music is relegated to Internet sites and old CDs.

Every year, Dr. Demento would devote an entire hour (or 3) to Christmas music you might not find on the radio dial or softly playing in the background of shops. Songs ranged from odd to downright disturbing. They were always funny, unexpected, and stuck in your head for days.

So in honor of the shows of Christmases past, I've compiled a list of songs you may not have already heard this holiday season. Some are classic non-traditional songs, some are new this year. But all of them are fantastically quirky.

If you are not a fan of Weird Al Yancovic, or Tom Lehrer (for those of you cool enough to know who he is), skip this article. For the rest, enjoy.

The Top 10 Non-Traditional Holiday Songs You May Never Hear Anywhere Else

10. Santa's Going to Kick Your @$% - Arrogant Worms

The Arrogant Worms may not be a household name in the U.S. of A., but our neighbors to the north are ardent Worms fans. The Canadian Comedy Troupe has been recording songs for over almost 20 years, including an entire holiday album entitled "Christmas Turkey." This song, about an all-too-human Santa going through some rough times, is shockingly humorous and frank, two major hallmarks of a non-traditional holiday song.

9. Christmas in Smurfland - Father Abraham

In 1977, the original "Smurfs" movie brought a whole new level of fame to Dutch musician Pierre Kartner, who wrote the original "Smurfs song." Over the next several years, Kartner, who performs under the name Father Abraham, put out Smurf-centric albums which included (naturally) a Christmas album. Christmas in Smurfland is just a sample of the larger picture, but it's pretty darn…Smurfy.

8. Chinese Food on Christmas - Brandon Walker

If asked what I'll be doing for Christmas, the answer is always the same, Chinese food and a movie. In fact, Chinese food and a movie is such a deeply rooted cultural phenomenon in modern American Jewish culture, that there are songs written about it. This is one of the best.

7. Christmas at Ground Zero - Weird Al Yankovic

Back when Weird Al was new to the music parody genre (this is pre Michael Jackson parodies), he recorded this little gem. Not a parody of any song in particular, but a send up of the whole holiday music genre. Already known as an anti-holiday classic and played in dorm rooms across the United States.

6. All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth - Spike Jones

OK, not perhaps the most original, but it makes the cut because my youngest got his two front teeth a week ago. There are dozens of versions of this song, but the original is the way to go. This song features Spike Jones, a live band, and a level of recording quality not normally seen in modern production. This one is friendly for the whole family. Unless one of the members keeps you up all night teething.

5. Don't Shoot Me Santa - The Killers

The Killers reach a whole new level of unusual Christmas song with this newer addition to the list. Recorded in 2007, Don't Shoot Me Santa tells the story of a naughty man who is about to get the ultimate lump of coal from Santa. Not for everyone, but for those who like their holidays served dark and ironic, this is the ticket.

4. Candlelight – Maccabeats

I'm not generally a fan of out-and-out parody songs (not enough creativity, too much overt cleverness), but this one makes the cut. A history lesson sung a cappella with a human beat box background. With tin foil swords. Rock on, Maccabeats, rock on.

3. Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight) - Ramones

The beauty of the Ramones is that they took '50s style harmonization and added in their own punk twist. This song, about family togetherness during the holidays, is upbeat, inspiring, and one that you can crank while stuck in mall traffic. Not much more you can ask for in a Christmas song.

2. A Christmas Carol - Tom Lehrer

Ah, younger generation, I pity you. For many of you have not been exposed to the genius that is Tom Lehrer's music. Before Weird Al, before South Park's low-brow parody music, was the brilliance of Tom Lehrer. And by brilliant, I mean the guy was a mathematician as well as a songwriter. This ode to the commercialism during the holidays is too much fun to listen to. Do yourself a favor, return something you don't like and buy some Tom Lehrer. Trust me, it will be the best gift you get this year.

1. Father Christmas - The Kinks

The Kinks have been popular for over 40 years. The Kinks will be popular for 140 more. They were influential (You Really Got Me). They were groundbreaking (Lola). They recorded a Christmas song. Father Christmas tells the story about what happens when we lose sight of the season, and tries to remind us that there are people who have nothing. And they will beat you up for money, even if you're a mall Santa.

Honorable Mention

All Christmas songs by the Capitol Steps

The Capitol Steps are a political parody group that grew out of a Washington D.C. holiday party in 1981. Originally comprised of congressional staffers, the Steps have grown into a full-fledged act, with performances that regularly sell out. They play a live show for NPR audiences New Year's Eve, and never disappoint.

-Elizabeth Rich is the Local Editor for Upper Saucon Patch.