Report Card-Related Stress Strikes Again

Report cards. Who needs ‘em? Oh, right, students. Parents. Teachers. OK, someone needs them.

But, to be honest, I hadn’t opened one up in about …  well, let’s just call it a long time.

But, last week, the same looming manila envelope sat threateningly in my son’s backpack. Bouncing home from kindergarten, the freckle-faced angel had no idea what was inside. It is one of those blessings of being just 5. He had no clue what was even inside this seemingly innocent paper product.

But I’d had 13 years of practice. I knew exactly what could be inside. Without so much as cracking the seal on the envelope, my stomach had sunk. I was truly nervous to read its contents.

I know what you are thinking. He is a kindergarten student. What could possibly be so bad?

I could only see flash-forwards in my mind. This first report card, as kindergarteners in our district only get one in February and one in June, was the first chance for us as parents to get an in-depth look at his progress.

What if THIS first was just one in 13 years of frustrating openings? What if he was discouraged by his grades? What if we were disappointed as parents?

I sucked it up, ripped it open, and poured over each and every line enclosed. I couldn’t contain myself. I was not too happy. But, before I say why, I should back up and explain.

I am a perfectionist, that’s the easiest way to put it. I think that “fine” means your child is getting all “A” marks. They should be performing 100 percent of the tasks assigned, 100 percent of the time, meeting all the expectations you have set before them. In short, as my mom friends have made clear, I am a hard ass.

I haven’t just been like this since I became a mother. I am like this all the time.

No one can do my laundry because they don’t do it right. You can’t make the bed just the way I want it to be folded. You likely can’t organize files for me because it won’t be how I would do it, or what I like to call “the right way.”

Some (my mom and sisters) call it a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Whatever you want to call it, it makes life tough on my kids, and, OK, on my husband. I’m hard to please.

So, when I opened this little kindergarten report card, I saw red, or, more accurately, “N” marks. He had a lot that did “NOT meet expectations” or needed to be improved upon.

As my husband and sister (who is also a teacher) later pointed out, it also had a lot of “M” marks, or “Meets Requirements,” and even a few “I” marks for “Inconsistent.” He nearly “aced” the math section. He had half Ms in language arts, but in a column dubbed “Characteristics of a Successful Learner,” there were a striking number of Ns. There were too many Ns, in my opinion.

These items included phrases such as “Follows Multiple Step Directions,” “Completes Class Work On Time,” “Completes Routine Tasks Independently” or “Maintains Focus.” These are all the categories my son is “Not Meeting Expectations” in, or what the district calls, “The student is not meeting program expectations and is in need of improvement.”

I don’t think the world is ending. It was one report card. But, we have a lot to work on in the months to come. I sit each night with my baby boy and work on homework for about 30 minutes an evening. Still, he has ‘em: “Ns.”

I think I know the main problem: I will always see him as perfect. I will always want the very best for him. I will always want him to work his very hardest to produce the very best.

But, somehow, this mommy needs to accept things are not perfect. It is OK. We have time to work on these things and get better.

I don’t, however, want him to start accepting mediocrity as acceptable. I want to see A's and B's, and not C's. He has to do his best.

I won’t lie. On this matter, after much discussion with my family, friends, teachers, other moms and dads, it is hard to decide. How do you react?

So, Patch readers, what do you think? Should I be concerned? Should I be happy with his performance? Should I lighten up? Or strap down and get him more serious into homework?

How do you balance things so he is a studious worker and a dedicated, focused school student, but still a happy and “normal” little boy?

I’ll tell you, those freckles and dimples incline me to lighten up … but, I want to hear from you. Comment below and let me know what you think!