Sometimes, The Truth Hurts

curmudgeon –noun: a bad-tempered, difficult, cantankerous person.

The above definition, as described by the dictionary.com web site, perfectly describes this editor’s at-home personality.

In public and in my working life, I’m not able to show this side of my personality.

I’m friendly, agreeable, approachable, good-natured, talkative, happy to meet and greet people. An all-around nice guy.

I’ve actually heard people describe me in this manner.

It’s not the full disclosure. Believe me. Ask my in-laws.

My 50^th birthday approaches and before I can probably stop the ball from rolling, someone in my family is going to organize a surprise party, thinking it’s a wonderful idea.

So, on a mid-July weekend, I’ll probably walk into my sister’s New Jersey home on the guise of a lame excuse and find my parents, aunts, uncles, nephews, cousins and other assorted people waiting to slap me on the back.

And, I’ll be expected to suffer through the jokes, including the receding hairline quips.

I’ll probably just walk out of the house and drive back to Pennsylvania –- or more likely to Monmouth Park, Atlantic City or Vic’s Italian Restaurant in Bradley Beach, N.J.

So, if my family is reading this, here’s the warning. Take heed.

I come from a long line of curmudgeonly bloodlines, starting with my paternal grandfather and my father.

It’s ironic, in this decade between ages 40 and 50, how many times I’ve uttered some of the exact phrases my father did -- ones that made me shake my head in disbelief the first time I heard them.

For example:

-- (When stuck in traffic): “Where are all these people going? Don’t they have houses? Don’t they have mortgages? Don’t they have lawns to mow and hedges to cut?”

-- (When waiting for a restaurant table): “I thought there was a recession on? How do these people afford to take a family out to dinner? I didn’t have money to do that when you kids were young.”

-- (When attending an Iron Pigs game): “Why don’t they have Homework Night? Make the kids bring homework, let them in for free and actually make them do it. Because you know they skipped it to come here. They told their mother they did it during study hall.”

-- (When watching television): “Why do people find (insert the offending show) entertaining? This illustrates how mindless most of the American public has become.”

-- (On voting): “You should have to pass a written test on American history to be eligible to vote. And it ought to be hard.”

-- (On music): “It sounds like the guy is in pain, like someone is holding a blowtorch to his backside.”

-- (On concerts): “Why would you pay this much money to see a group of washed-up, has-beens who need to go on tour again after 20 years so they can get out of bankruptcy?"

I could go on, but you get the drift.

The truth hurts. Nobody likes to hear it, but it’s a necessary evil, and that’s a curmudgeon’s job description.