The Paper Anniversary

One year of marriage, celebrated last month, went by very quickly.

Tradition dictates that the first wedding anniversary is marked with a gift of paper. So, I complied by purchasing my spouse two pieces of paper -- round-trip airline tickets to Las Vegas.

(Disclosure: Our honeymoon was spent in Las Vegas, so this was a return visit. We even got the exact same room, courtesy of our friends at The Orleans Hotel & Casino front desk. Last year's play earned us four free room nights out of six -- and we're not "high rollers" by any means.)

Mrs. De Martini had already encountered some good luck playing slot machines earlier this year at two Pennsylvania casinos. But we couldn't have dreamed what she was going to encounter on this trip.

The spouse informed me that, within 20 minutes of our arrival, she was up $400. That earned a growl from her husband, who was already suffering at the hands of a hot blackjack dealer. 

This was heading to a real-life version of "A Tale of Two Cities."

Mrs. De Martini not only hit a taxable jackpot at The Orleans, she hit a second -- and larger -- taxable jackpot at its sister property, The Gold Coast Hotel & Casino. 

Meanwhile, your humble Upper Macungie Patch local editor was getting soundly trounced at any and every game played -- blackjack, craps, Texas Hold'em poker, video poker, roulette and even sports and horse betting. 

Nothing. Nada. Not even a sniff.

I had some limited success on the final night playing blackjack with a table full of drunk twenty-somethings from California. Maybe that was the secret.

Meanhile, the spouse couldn't lose. She turned $20 in casino free play at a downtown joint into $250. She dropped down to playing penny machines on the final night of the trip and cashed out $500 heavier.

She had more cash on her -- Presidential face cards as I refer to it -- than I've ever seen. It's been put to good use, spent on a new laptop and new furniture with the remainder tucked safely in a local bank. 

Meanwhile, I got my rear end kicked and was the one who shelled out $202 to watch an aging Barry Manilow struggle through his collection of 1970's hits. Ugh.

In six days, my wife racked up so many slot points (for those of you who actually understand this) that she's almost reached the next player's card level. She earned enough food and beverage points to mainly cover the cost two pretty expensive meals.

They'll probably comp us all six nights next year and send a limo out to McCarran Airport to pick us up -- even though I swore at one point that I was never returning.

Let's face it, The Orleans Hotel & Casino wants a shot at its money back.

But, I wouldn't count on it if I were them. Upon returning home, my wife won a $100 gift certificate to Sneaker King at The Promenade Shops from a Lehigh Valley radio station and now sports a pair of $85 sneakers.

The woman's on a roll. Did it start when she married me? I'd like to think so, but I'll pass on making that judgment call.

Happy anniversary, Mrs. De Martini. It certainly was a memorable trip.