Taboo Topic: Let's Talk About Suicide

It's what one mother refers to as the "no casserole funeral."

A time when no one knows what to say, so they don't say anything.

Becky Kay is a 10-plus year survivor, and she still has her moments of grief.

She is one of three facilitators of a local Survivors of Suicide support group, a program of Mental Health America of Greenville County.

And this week, her heart aches for another family who has lost a loved one to suicide.

Kay lost one child in a car accident and a short time later, a second child to suicide. 

"I am no more the woman I once was," Kay said. "Mike's death crushed me, but Bobby's death changed me." 

Kay said even after years of therapy, there are remnants of grief that drift in to her life.

"I feel tremendous sorrow for his family," Kay said, as she is reminded of the Sunday death of Greenville businessman Trey Pennington, a beloved social media guru.

"Get help, any help they can get. If they have a church, a minister from a church can be of help, professional counseling, join a support group because they have to have help through this."

Kay and her co-facilitators, Mary Reeves and Alice Baird, said if anything comes out of Pennington's death, they hope it is a better understanding of suicide, depression and mental illness.

"They commit suicide out of a sense of despair so deep that it qualifies as a form of mental illness," Baird said. "If more people talked about it, wrote about it and acknowledged suicide in an informed and compassionate manner, it would go a long way toward getting help for those who need it, and assuaging the pain of those left behind."

The numbers are shocking.

Every 40 seconds someone in the world dies by suicide. And every 41 seconds, survivors are left to make sense of it, according to numbers released by Mental Health America.

South Carolina ranks 29th in the nation in its rate of suicide death and is the third-leading death among 15- to 24-year-olds in the state, the agency reported.

Mental health counselors said that 12 out of every 100,000 people attempts suicide and that annually 864,950 people attempt suicides each year.

And in Greenville County, mental health counselors said they have seen a 38 percent increase in suicide in the past two years.

This week is National Suicide Prevention Week and at least three people already have died at their own hands over the course of the Labor Day weekend in Greenville, according to the SOS support group.

And that's three people too many.

Jim Moran, director of program services at Carolina Center for Behavioral Health, said prevention could save a life. Moran said starting the conversation, by saying, "talk to me."

"Prevention could be asking simply, 'are you thinking about hurting or killing yourself,' " Moran said.

But he said recovery starts with what counselors refer to as the model used to determine if someone may be having suicidal thoughts -- Question, Persuade, Refer.

"If they say 'yes,' persuade them to get help, take them to a doctor and emergency room or to someone who can refer them to a treatment program," Moran said.

Some signs that someone may be considering suicide:

• feeling hopeless; no reason to live
• depressive episodes
• substance and alcohol abuse
• the loss of a job
• change in economic status
• a break-up, divorce, separation or change of relationship
• eating habits -- not eating, overeating
• appearance
• overall demeanor
• giving away items normally valued by them
• sleep -- lack of sleep, deprivation or change in sleep patterns or habits

"Death in general is a taboo topic to most people," Moran said. "It's still something people are mostly afraid of, but suicide is a powerful event, it's unsettling to people."

Dr. Ken Rogers, chair of the Department of Psychiatry at Greenville Hospital System University Medical Center, said that depression and mental illness are misunderstood.

"If you come in and tell someone you are diagnosed with Cancer, you are going to have a very receptive, sympathetic audience and they will be helpful to you," Rogers said.

"If you came in front of the same group of folks and said I have a major depressive disorder and I'm having thoughts of hurting myself oftentimes, you'll get 'gee, why would you want to do that, that's pretty stupid.' We are reluctant to bring it up to people, because of the stigma attached."

Rogers said that research shows that people who complete suicide have told at least one person they were thinking of killing themselves.

"Most of us don't take it seriously or we don't know quite what to do with it when someone tells us 'I'm thinking of killing myself,' " Rogers said. "If you know somebody is depressed — they're not eating, not doing things they normally do — and it's been going on for a while, we don't know how to engage them.

"Sometimes just being open to talking to someone about what's going on in their lives will afford them the opportunity to talk about what's going on in their lives."

Rogers said that if friends or family members identify concerning traits in a person they care about, they should err on the side of caution and persuade the person to get help.

"Human life is valuable," Rogers said. "It is really important to do what you can to get them help."

Moran said that women are more likely to attempt suicide, but that men complete it at a much higher rate. He said older white males are at the highest risk for suicide and that they are more likely to use a firearm than any other means.

"The problem with attempted suicides is that it puts them at a higher risk of attempting again," Moran said. "It doesn't mean that they will. We try to give them more skills, more tools to help them avoid the reoccurance of suicidal behavior."

Moran said his agency admits more than 1,000 patients a year who have attempted suicide or who have thought about it. Those patients come from referrals from other doctors, emergency rooms, social services and counselors.

He said in the program they begin to restore hope by getting the person in a supportive environment and helping them find for themselves a reason to live.

"As a counselor, you join people in sadness and in hopelessness," Moran said. "But when you see them turn things around it can be super gratifying."

But Moran said it is just important for families to have support.

"Why didn't I see it coming is the biggest question from both family and friends," Moran said.

Moran said that NAMI, Mental Health America and Survivors of Suicide provide an opportunity for family member to educate themselves and to advocate for the people they love. 

Rogers said that family members struggle with figuring out what happened and will beat themselves up searching for an answer they may never find and never fully knowing what's going on.

"Despite what we do to help, they are still at a certain risk, especially if they are struggling with depression," Rogers said. "Depression in many ways is like Cancer, if you think about it as a semantic disorder. There are some people we are going to be able to save or stop. But there's another segment of people that despite the best that we could do, as family members or friends, who end up ultimately harming themselves or killing themselves.

"And I would tell family members, as long as you have done your best, done what you knew to do, that's all one can do. ... Some things to that person may seem so extremely overwhelming that they make that ultimate decision and you can't hold yourself responsible for the decision other people are making."

Reeves said she is six years into the recovery process, after the loss of her son.

"You ask yourself 'why?' over and over and over again. And two years, later you still don't know why," she said. "But you keep asking yourself that question until it's no longer important to you."

The following are resources for those who are depressed or are having suicidal thoughts, and their families: 

WHO TO CALL:

United Way of the Midlands (Fairfield, Richland, Newberry, and Lexington counties) Crisis Hotline, Toll Free 1-866-892-9211 or 1-803-933-9857

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.

Mental Health America of Greenville County
CRISIS LINE -- 864-271-8888
Business: 864-467-3344
http://www.mhagc.org

211 Hotline
N. Charleston, SC 29419
Business Phone: 843-740-9000
http://www.tuw.org

SUPPORT IN GREENVILLE

Survivors of Suicide (Open group) -- First Tuesday of each month at St. Michael's Lutheran Church, 2619 Augusta Street, Greenville. For information, visit www.mhagc.org.

Survivors of Suicide (8-week group) -- meetings are held at Mental Health America of Greenville County, 429 N. Main St., Suite 2, Greenville. For information, visit www.mhagc.org.

CHARLESTON RESOURCES

Trident United Way
http://www.tuw.org/211.asp
2-1-1, 843-744-HELP, 800-922-2283
TeenLine: 843-747-TEEN, 866-873-TEEN
Email: 211@tuw.org

Veteran Crisis Line
http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/
800-273-8255
Denise Oneill, local suicide prevention coordinator, 843-789-7844
Email: vhachahotlineconsults@va.gov

Survivors of Suicide
Meets 7 p.m. on first and third Wednesday of the month.
Charlotte Anderson, 843-566-7183 ot 800-922-2283

Charleston Firefighter Support Team
http://www.charlestonffsupport.blogspot.com/
843-852-3633

Charleston/Dorchester Community Mental Health Center
http://www.cdcmhc.org
2100 Charlie Hall Boulevard, 843-414-2350
106 Springview Ln, Summerville, 843-821-6358

MUSC Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences
http://www.musc.edu/psychiatry
(843) 792-9888, 1-800-922-5250

Palmetto Behavioral Health
http://www.palmettobehavioralhealth.com/
Palmetto Lowcountry 843-747-5830
Palmetto Summerville 843-851-5015

College of Charleston
Counseling and Substance Abuse Services
http://counseling.cofc.edu/
(843) 953-5640
175 Calhoun St.

The Citadel
Citadel Counseling Center
http://www.citadel.edu/counseling/
(843) 953-6799
203 Richardson Ave.

Trident Technical Institute
Counseling and Career Development Services
http://www.tridenttech.edu/541.htm
Main campus (843) 574-6131
Palmer campus (843) 722-5516

Charleston Southern University
http://www.csuniv.edu/campuslife/counseling.asp
(843) 863-8010
9200 University Blvd.

EDUCATION

NAMI

S.C. Share

S.C. Department of Mental Health

OUTREACH

Suicide Prevention Event

Where: Marion Square, Charleston
When: Sept. 10 from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m.
The Charleston-Dorchester Mental Health Center, MUSC Institute of Psychiatry, Palmetto Behavioral Health, the VA Medical Center and a dozen other mental health agencies will be at Marion Square to provide information and support services.

Out of the Darkness Community Walk —  www.OutOfTheDarkness.org

Where: Cleveland Park, Spartanburg, S.C.
When: Oct. 9 from 2 p.m.-4 p.m.
For more information, Sara Settlemyer at 864-580-0321 or sara_settelmyer@hotmail.com

Where: Columbia Riverfront Park
When: Oct. 16 from 2-4 p.m.
For more information, Yoma Edwin at 803-586-3271 or founder@trenmedia.com

Where: Hampton Park, Downtown Charleston
When: Nov. 6 from 2-4 p.m.
For information, Martina Mueller at 843-792-3997 or muellerm@musc.edu