Judge Hatchett Tells Parents To Focus on the 3 C's

SUMMERVILLE - Hundreds of parents, educators and even a handful of kids attended the 2011 Parent & Community Summit Saturday morning at .

The focus of the program was to help the parents and teachers of at-risk students turn out successful and productive members of society, according to Lewis Smith, Chairman of the Community Summit Task Force.

"We as a community have a lot of at-risk children, a lot of people that don't know how to deal with their children," Smith said. "When a kid drops out of school they cost the taxpayers, we'd rather them be a productive member of society than get involved in the penal system."

About 400 people pre-registered for the summit, Dorchester County School District 2 spokeswoman Pat Raynor said.

The summit included a keynote address by Judge Glenda Hatchett, who presided over the TV show Judge Hatchett for 10 seasons and is a former juvenile court judge and an author. Hatchett told parents they have to focus on three things to raise successful children: concern, consistency and cheering for their children.

"Concern means you've got to have watchful eyes on your children," Hatchett said. "You don't just listen with your ears, I want you to be watchful with all your senses."

She added that means knowing who your children are friends with and paying attention to both what children say and don't say and as well as to what their body language says.

"You're child may say they are OK, but you know, you can see that there is something wrong," she said.

The key to getting a child to open up to a parent is to establish an area of trust between the two so that the child knows he or she can talk to his or her parents openly and honestly about everything. That happens by starting while the children are young and continuing to ask them about their lives every day. In fact Hatchett gave attendees several homework assignments including asking their children every day how their day was.

"When we were growing up parent meant everybody," Hatchett said. "Everybody was up in your business."

She emphasized the point with a story from her own childhood. She said one day she and a neighbor were bored so they decided to throw berries at the door of another neighbor who was blind. At first they ran when he came to the door asking "Who's there?" Then, Hatchett said, they stopped running because the man couldn't see them anyway. The woman that lived across the street however was not blind, in fact she had a nickname of Mrs. Hawkeye, and she did see the girls.

"She came out and snatched us up and wore us out, then she took us home and we got in trouble all over again," Hatchett said. "I wish we had a whole lot more Mrs. Hawkeyes."

She gave another homework assignment to the parents to write a letter to all of their children's teachers telling them they want to be partners with them in the education process and asking what they could do to help the teacher. Doing so accomplishes two things she said - "That puts the teacher on notice that you are concerned and it puts the child on notice that you and the teacher are on the same page."

It helps parents catch school issues early so they can correct problems like bad grades or poor discipline before it turns into a major problem.

Hatchett also told parents they have to be consistent with rules and boundaries if they want their children to respect them.

"Children are born to see how much they can get away with, your role is to use good sense and set guidelines," she said. "If children didn't need us to set guidelines, they would be born grown."

"It is not for you to be popular as a parent," she continued. "It is for you to do what is proper."

She said parents need to expect greatness from their children and they need to make sure their children know they expect greatness.

"Children expect rules," she said. "They need to know where the line is and if they cross it, they need to know there are consequences."

Finally Hatchett said parents need to be their children's biggest cheerleaders. Her final homework assignment was for parents to ask their children what their dream for their life is, write that down in big letters on a sheet of paper and hang that piece of paper above their child's bed.

"That way the last thing they see at night before they go to sleep and the first thing they see when they wake up in the morning is their dream," she said.

Hatchett then called several of the children in attendance up on stage to ask what their dreams were.

"We want our children to give voice to their dreams and know that we believe in them," she said.

She said parents need to hold on to those dreams and when their child says they don't want to go to school or don't want to do a project, they need to remind their child of their dream and point out that in order to achieve it, the child needs a solid education.

"If they don't want to do that science project, remind them that they said their dream is to be a doctor and understanding science is necessary to do that," she said. "If we want our children to do right, we have to do right by our children."

She closed her address congratulating the Dorchester District 2 schools on performing well ahead of the South Carolina state average in education, noting that 72 percent of S.C. fourth graders aren't reading on their grade level and that 66 percent aren't performing up to grade level in math. She noted the state spends $8,121 per year on each student while it spends more than twice that ($16,417 per year) on each inmate.

She also asked parents to post their children's dreams on www.parentpowernow.com, a website she called Facebook for parents.

Dorchester 2 Superintendent Joe Pye said Hatchett's message is what educators already know, that for students to be successful, their parents have to be involved in their lives and education.

"I've been a member of several task forces through the years and they all say the parents need to be more involved," Pye said.

Pye said he views all children as "at-risk," not just those who have been abused, or with unstable home lives.

"All kids make mistakes, make bad decisions," Pye said. "They all need support and encouragement."

Pye said the summit was primarily aimed at helping the roughly 11,000 high school age students in Dorchester District 2 schools. In addition to Hatchett's speech it included workshops on bullying; care for youth with emotional and behavioral challenges; Disabilities and Special Needs Board eligibility and services; educators empowering parents; getting involved using technology; the Givhans Alternative Program; graduation requirements; juvenile delinquency prevention tips; parenting and school success; positive parenting for influencing healthy teen sexuality; setting up your student for success; teen fads in substance use; teen pregnancy; teen dating; schools, community and faith working together; and volunteer Guardian ad Litem role in DSS abuse and neglect cases.