Father of Fallen Soldier Talks About Life After Sept. 11

Editor's note: Michael Ewens, who lost one of his four sons in Afghanistan, wrote about his personal feelings and views on .

By: Michael Ewens

The anniversary of 9/11. Unlike a birthday or wedding anniversary it has a negative dark and foreboding sound to it. A day that you should remember but you would really like to forget. Yet I feel it is important that we do remember. That at times we look at those hard days in our past and honestly look at where we are in the present for these are tools to help us answer the question “Am I going in the right direction to arrive at the future I want?”

Sept. 11, 2001 hit our country like a ton of bricks. It stopped our day, drew us close to those we were with as we watched the surreal events on TV in Technicolor. I remember the stillness that hung around the country for days. The sky was silent with all flights grounded and we all wondered what sneak attacks lay in waiting for us. We sought out family and friends and made a deep connection with the strangers with whom we witnessed that event.

Shortly after 9/11, I took a flight to back to Spokane. (I had been working away from home.) Entering the airport there was silence and stillness. The world had changed.

This is not the first time I have thought about how 9/11 changed my world and that of my family. With two sons in the army and one in the National Guard this would affect us. The argument of whether we should go to war fell silent to the worry that our boys would not be supported.

Our third son, Eli, 28, believed he would never serve overseas when he joined the guard in 2002, but he was the first to be deployed to Iraq in 2004. I remember my fear and anger that I could lose my boy to something -- the Iraq War -- I didn’t believe in. At times I was afraid to come home or answer the phone for the fear of tragic news. When Elli came home the fear subsided and life went back to a more normal rhythm.

Forrest, 25-year-old Army 1st Lt., was the next to deploy in 2006. He was sent to Afghanistan. I had less anger and fear as he prepared to deploy. He was very talented athletically and the death toll was a lot less in Afghanistan. The odds were in our favor but don’t ever count on the odds when you go to war.

I remember his last week here, a special salmon bake and later a kayak ride that lasted late into the night. We just sit out in the sound and watched the water turn from gold to black as darkness fell and talked about life, his fears at leading men into combat and whether he would be a good leader. His commander and staff sergeant said he was one of the best they had but he didn’t come home. On June 16, 2006 . That's when 9/11 hit us like a ton of bricks.

Weeks after Forrest's death, Stephen (our youngest) enlisted. Eli transferred out of the Reserve and into the 10th mountain where Forrest had been stationed. He deployed immediately and finished Forrest's tour. The fear returned. No normal rhythm returned to our lives again. Three months later Eli came home and Stephen was deployed to Korea. As parents we rested for while and tried to heal.

Ten years after 9/11, how have the subsequent events affected us?

Deeply.

In 2009 when all three boys: Oaken, Eli and Stephen, deployed to Afghanistan, I didn’t have the strength to let the fear return. I tied to do what our country as done and forget that we are at war. I busied myself with a normal life, worried about normal things to keep at bay the fact that my boys were at war. I was ashamed at myself for at the time of Forrest's death I screamed at the nation you better not forget this. You better not ignore the sacrifices and cost.

But I wanted to forget.

I thank God that my three boys returned and that year ended. They came home and are still my boys but they are changed. They are different how could it be otherwise with what they have experienced?

The tears have flowed freely as I have tried to look at how 9/11 has affected us but it has been a valued time. For 10 years we have been at war.  If we as a nation believe in this war, let’s put our might behind it. If we don’t, let us bring our troops home! But let us never, never, be guilty of forgetting when we are at war. The cost is too great. On this anniversary of 9/11 let us be silent once again. Let us remember for in remembering we shape the decisions that shape our future.

Post script–I do not want to use our family’s tragedy for my own personal bully pulpit but I also feel wrong to stay silent. In listening to personal opinions and perceptions we can move to a more holistic society so here is mine.

We entered into the Afghanistan war without looking at history. No army has successfully occupied that country although many major powers have tried. We are supporting a government that is corrupt and whose popular support is questionable. It is true that the Taliban is a repressive regime but without a clear plan on how to better their country our national interest was served when the northern Alliance overthrew it.

We entered into the Iraq war by painting the world as black and white and failing to stay in a open debate of the reasons and consequences of that war. We have ignored our troops as they have sacrificed. We ignored the profiteering that has gone on and have not held the private contracting companies responsible. We as a nation have put the cost of this war on our national credit card. If we believe these wars are needed we should pay for them as we wage them. When a people, a nation decides it is necessary to wage a war and the destruction that it brings they should not paint it any other color than red. They should not cloth it in patriotic rhetoric but see a necessary evil that they are forced to engage in and then fully watch until the mission is finished and the troops back home. The cost is just too great to do less.