What Are We REALLY Teaching our Kids?

By de anne

I have always loved music, from very early on. My first instrument was a piano at age three...sure, it was about 24” long and had 15 keys, but it was my start to creativity. I began to start drumming at age six, on everything and everything that would make a beat, usually using pencils or at times my Nan’s wooden spoons ( they make great drumsticks) It wasn’t until age eleven, my family realized, the kid has something here.

Being a right brainer (it has been said creativity, music ability and the arts are located in a certain right area of the brain, called the right hemisphere)I excelled in the music area with chorus and band and learned early on that math wasn’t exactly included in my budding abilities. I was encouraged by my forever beloved chorus teacher, Ms. Federico, to try the percussion part of band. I joyously did and my love of music grew. At age twelve I begged for drums for my birthday and surprisingly received an acoustic classical guitar.

I learned to play “by ear” literally, as I would play my 45’s ( that was a vinyl round disc, called a record, that had grooves in it and it played on a record player, for those who weren’t around a hundred years ago!) continuously, over and over, until I got the chords down and the words of the song. My first true accomplishment was YOUR SONG by Elton John. I was very proud but still longed to bang those drums. I probably spent about three to four hours a day in my room, practicing the guitar and learning new songs. If only I had spent that much time on my homework!

Being with my music was therapy for a teen girl. If I was upset over what Gloria said at lunch, I played my guitar and usually wrote a song or two about what a drag life was.If I had a great day and achieved a B in Social Studies, that, too, was a reason to lock myself into my music. I didn’t have much spare time, between school, a part time job after school, caring for my Appaloosa and my music. This most likely kept me out of trouble that seemed to be very tempting to those with nothing in their life but school. It was truly a blessing.

Today seems so very different, but not in a good way. Of course, our new generation of teens can converse with a kid in Brazil, order a pizza and text their BFF all at the same time! No place is too far and nobody appears to be out of reach. Any fact you need or want is easy as G O O G L E, and libraries are a word to look up, as they are infrequently frequented. Books...hahahaha! Do I dare mention that four letter obscene word...READ? Textbooks are online, as are most reading materials and assignments are from cyberspace that our kids somehow maneuver to their teachers. Everything is fast, now and the whole planet has become victims of ADD. Remotes are for everything from TV’s to MP3’s to cars. Phones are not phones...practically nobody uses one to CALL anyone. They are used to text ( a million words a day), to google anything and everything, to watch last night’s episode of Tosh O and a newly released movie . They can open your car, lock your front door and turn off your lights at home from your desk at school. It’s simply amazing where we have gone in a short span of time. My worry, is what we left behind!

It appears a high school curriculum doesn’t account for a child loving sports and music, to my great despair and annoyance. My son’s schedule was filled with academics and football, leaving only Spanish as an elective, which clearly wasn’t an elective, but a necessity. There were no music classes that coincided with his schedule, before and after school football practice and practice films at noon. There was no way he could be knocking down players on the field and blowing on a trumpet at the same time! That would be interesting to see, though! All those years of hard, dedicated work to play that brass, like Herb Albert, wasted! It broke my heart, that his love of music was being sacked like his plays on the field.

So, I’m posing the question, what are we really teaching our kids? Are the lessons so far, about the newest most expensive version of the iPhone, and how we must keep up with the Jones’s? Are we teaching them to be one dimensional, only allowing their heart to beat for one area of interest at a time? Dare should they actually have many interests that don’t necessarily go together, like music or dance with swimming or football? What if they have to make that final choice and choose the wrong love of their life? Are we equating success simply by the 000’s after the numbers on their future paychecks? Why can’t the classes be more available to the kids that truly do have varied interests? And why can’t we slow down a little and allow the sports kids to breathe a little and have a life beside their chosen sport?

I have always said, that our children usually emulate us, the parents, and what we do, say and show passion for. I remember when my oldest son was in first grade , he saw me trying desperately to grow our own vegetables in the back yard. He asked me why and I answered, “ Why not? They are fresher and safer than the ones in the stores and we grew them ourselves!” He remembered that and told everyone we had a farm and I was a vegetable farmer and that made him proud! He ate more vegetables too!

I also remember, some of the parents of my son’s friends, who weren’t quite as homegrown as my son’s family. Some had servants and owned big companies and had very little time home with their children. One boy, was always at our small, unassuming bungalow, even though he lived in a huge 6 bedroom house, with a slew of entertainment choices and rooms to play in. His mom was rarely home, as she flew all over the country on business. He told my son, one day, she wasn’t home so they could be rich and that being away was part of it. I think he would have preferred a smaller house and cheaper toys if mom was there to cheer him on in little league.

I’m not trying to make a judgment call here, but have you noticed there are much less young people caring about the world as they once did? Where are our future MLK’s and Robert Kennedy’s? Where’s the concern for the poor and sick instead of how many app’s one’s phone can get, or how many items one can buy at the Mall on a Saturday?

I need to feel okay with our youth, and there are kids out there, truly making a difference, don’t get me wrong. There are kids who are marching for rights and refusing to breathe dirty air. There are teens who refuse to be concerned about upping their friend’s new flat screen or Ipad. My problem is there aren’t enough of them. What are we teaching them when we, the parents, are constantly trying to impress with the newest, the biggest, the most expensive and the status quo? When do they see us trying to make a difference for those less fortunate or lend a helping hand, not to impress, but because we care? When do they hear us talk about racism and hypocrisy and explain how bad it is for everyone?What are they learning from us, and our behaviors?

I shudder to see a first grader with a cell phone that costs more than my used car and a teen drive up with a 2015 Mercedes? We are their teachers, their examples of how to be humans in a world that seems to have little feelings or cares for anything but self. A teen already knows how to be selfish, that’s a given at their age. When do we SHOW them, that it’s not okay to be self centered, egotistical, narcisstic individuals? Do we start when they are 2 and won’t share their toys or do we wait until they are 20 and already have this behavior ingrained in their very being? It’s up to us, not the schools, not the church’s or synagogues or the mosques! We are their teachers from birth on, whether we want to be or not. We teach them the basics of life, how to dress, use the bathroom, ride a bike, but do we teach them to care, to help, to have empathy for others? I really need to think about this, and be honest with myself, How about you? What are you teaching your kids? Namaste!