When you Assume

So, I’ve been authoring articles for local newspapers starting back so long ago, I used to refer to them as local rags. Now everything’s online, and it’s been Arcadia Patch.com for most of the past decade.

I started with the Temple City Chamber when the first DDS-type outta the chute lasted two months (two editions) before running out of content. Local readers/patients used to see my brand of editorials printed in the Sports Viewpoint section of the Saturday LA Times, mostly after a disappointing USC Football performance. Someone, likely a Trojan fan, high up in the local Chamber structure, asked me if I’d step up to the journalistic challenge. I asked if I’d get my picture in the paper; the Chamber said yes, and I’ve been at it ever since…for like, 26 years.

Who knew my stuff would appear in multiple local publications (mostly weekly) since 1998? And these days I even get to write a commentary for a quarterly professional journal, the American Academy of Clear Aligners (AACA).

I remember my very first column mourned the loss of a local pharmacy to the then-early onset of the Rite Aid chain of stores and the like. Pharmacist Al Lehine was available, in person, by phone, all the time, and knew his customers by name; he shared all the prescription details that might make a difference for patients. What was happening with private pharmacies seemed to preview the direction dentistry was headed.

Two major developments influenced my writing, back in 1998: advances in dentistry and my mom.

Dental materials had finally evolved to allow providers to achieve esthetic naturally appearing restorative results. And technology, plus team training and verbal systems, helped us take steps to becoming far better communicators. Creativity and joy became a warm, fuzzy part of our office culture.

On March 15, 1999, my mom passed away after almost a decade of chronic illness. My brother had died as I applied to dental school. My dad had died before my eyes three months into my new dental practice. I’ve often shared that writing had compensated somewhat for the counseling I never sought but should’ve had.

I wrote from the heart. I acknowledged my team. We were drawn into the community. I could write commentaries on Pop culture, sports, and even politics. One part-time publisher/fulltime lawyer attempted to edit my content; so did a photographer-turned-editor. I fired them.

When we returned from Covid-19 health precautions, I began finding positive quotes and inspiration to start my day. A little later, I began sharing the quotes with my team at our morning huddle (and added a $10 award for naming the author.) Today, I share the quotes with a video commentary to AACA members Monday through Friday; I also share them on social media. Most of the time, the quotes are all about growing, learning, and being positive and optimistic.

This week’s quotes are more about lessons recently learned…again…by me. And maybe firing editors and publishers was an early sign. If firing the publisher (in my own mind) was a real thought, could it be that a recent faux pas had arrived as legit reason to find a mirror (but not too close these days)?

I’ve had a study club project going since August 2023. Previous attempts by hard working leaders hadn’t been successful. I’ve been collaborating with a super-successful company and a related super-successful group, of which I’m a part. We all had a meeting last week. And on multiple levels, I wasn’t happy with the way the meeting went. I almost felt betrayed. Seriously?

I called up my group guy the next morning on WhatsApp and there was no answer nor a voicemail. I thought maybe offline texting might be a better approach.

So when I saw not one, but two incoming numbers texted in by way of a non-LA prefix, my jaguar-type emotional reflexes sprang into action. Before I realized I had responded to TWO people, neither of whom included my intended recipient, I couldn’t have been more pleased. After all, even though I may have suffered an attitude relapse by authoring the last word, it felt good. Except, I didn’t get the last word. And I guess I could see the comedy in it if I hadn’t cast myself in the role of Jackass.

What I wrote wasn’t complimentary of any of three individuals. Two responded expressing their disappointment.

My dad had copied genius from Aesop; from the time I could stand, he taught me, “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything.” And I’m way past old enough to remember Jack Klugman and Tony Randall playing Oscar and Felix in TV’s The Odd Couple. Felix Unger is given credit for the line, “Never assume, because when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.”

And just like quitting a newspaper while thinking you’d fired the publisher is a convenient act of arrogance and a missed opportunity, so was last week’s geriatric temper tantrum that only made an ass out of me.

I’ve apologized by text and voicemail. One person has been supportive for years. I hope I have the chance, one day, to apologize to her in person. But for now, like in the past, I’m resuming my previous counseling path.

Lesson learned: You can learn from your parents. You can see your parents live the lesson. You can write about it and preach about it. But even with a PhD in common sense, you’re never too old to forget, relapse, or get too emotional, or assume, and behave like a hurtful jackass.

Let the continuing education continue.