Moms Talk Q&A

Moms Talk is a new feature on Cupertino Patch that is part of a new initiative on our Patch sites to reach out to moms and families.

Cupertino Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in Cupertino.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community will have a new resource for questions about local neighborhood schools, the best pediatricians, 24-hour pharmacies and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

Moms Talk will also be the place to drop in for a talk about the latest parenting hot topic. Do you know of local moms raising their children in the Tiger Mother's way, and is it the best way? Where can we get information on local flu shot clinics for children? How do we talk to our children about the Tucson shootings? How can we help our children's schools weather their budget cutbacks?

So, grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with a question from Holly Watkins, and some advice from our Patch Mom, Alysa Sakkas.

How do you deal with tantrums?

Wanting something they can’t have, wanting attention or simply not knowing another way to express their frustration—kids can throw tantrums for all kinds of reasons, and there is no one sure-fire way to diffuse them.

If your child is posing any sort of safety issue to themselves or anyone else, you clearly need to respond quickly! Otherwise, your response may need to be tailored to the circumstances and your best guess at what is causing the tantrum.

Most kids (and adults!) just want someone to listen to them and show empathy.

Kneeling down to their level, looking them in the eyes and saying in a VERY calm voice, “I can see you are really upset, what’s wrong?” might be all that is needed.

Distraction is another tactic. Something I once read that you can “try at home” (versus when you are in line at the grocery store) is to throw a little play tantrum yourself—you might just get a laugh out of your child that will make them forget what they were upset about! 

Tantrums expend a lot of energy, so sometimes just reassuring them, “I’m here when you are ready to talk” will give them permission to release some steam for a couple of minutes and burn out. I know I have an adult version where I ask my husband or a friend: Would you please let me vent to you for a couple of minutes? It’s all I need to deal with a situation I know I have no control over.