We Still Don't Know How They Did It.

The Pyramids at Giza....Cheops, pictured here in 1881.

They’ve been there. They’ve always been there. They will always be there. Does anyone want to tell me how something like this could have been built over 4,500 years ago with no machinery or modern surveying devices of any kind? The logistics of finding, moving, cutting, and placing(precisely) these huge limestone blocks (just one of them) can’t be explained for that time….or ANY time. These stones weighed between 2 and 3 tons each. There were 2.3 million of them on Cheops alone, the largest of the 3 pyramids. The final stones were placed over 480 feet above the ground. What? It would have been dope enough if they had just assembled all of these stones into a giant random pile. No, they made a perfectly symmetrical pyramid. Don’t forget that the inside of the pyramid is more complex and more refined. The outside is just the (crude) cover of the book. We were all puffed up with ourseves for landing a man on the moon 50 plus years ago—and we damn well should have been. It was a miracle. That achievement can’t be overstated for its brilliance but, compared to building the pyramids the moon landing seems like the mundane baking of a cake.

Let’s be real....This was a very crude civilization. This was before “Seinfeld”. It would be another thousand years before the spoon was invented. Yes, these perfectly assembled stones that have stood the test of 4,500 years of time were built well before the idea for the spoon crossed anyone’s mind; the spoon! Don’t even think about the fork (4th century A.D.). That came thousands of years after the spoon. These pyramid builders were eating with their hands. My imagination doesn't stretch far enough to make this achievement work in my mind. There were no Food trucks back then; no place to cool off with an ice cold Gatorade. Everything you drank or ate was desert temperature.

Try building something similar (now) with manual lab....... in the desert (haha). Try even building it with modern machinery. Let me know how that goes. Commission the U.S. Army Corp of engineers to build just one of these pyramids. LOL. In the words of Aerosmith’s Steve Perry, “Dream on”.

I’ll take a dime for every time a worker dropped a stone on their toe; just imagine how many expletives were let out as men tried to wrestle with a 3 ton block of limestone. At least we know that no Egyptian workers yelled out the words, “Jesus Christ”!!!!! Like the spoon and the fork Jesus wasn’t to come for many more centuries.

Can you imagine being the foreman on that job site? How would you communicate your instructions to the “farmers” hundreds of feet up the soon to be pyramid. No walkie talkies. Even Cecile B. DeMille had a megaphone. “No, I said just two inches more to the left”. “What?”. “Just two inches more to the left”. “What?”.

How did they house and feed all these workers? They initially thought they were slaves but the new thinking has been revised to say they were farmers? Yes, when the crops weren’t producing they got hundreds, maybe thousands of “farmers” in the area together to volunteer for a task that could only be compared to bashing your head against a rock. Really? Are we sticking with that story? Farmers? How did they feed all those farmers? I don't know any farmers who would want to do that job. After all, they chose farming as their profession over building pyramids. Anyways, how much farming was going on in the Sahara desert around Cairo? That’s another puzzling concept.

How many chefs did it take to feed the incredible number of workers? Did they get a catering service? At least they didn't have to worry about providing utensils. I’m supposed to believe that a civilization that hasn’t invented the fork or the spoon (they had knives, right?) is able to pull this Pyramid thing off? Surely they would have needed thousands of Band-Aids but those weren’t invented until 1920. They surely would have needed body bags. No doubt hundreds of workers took their last breath on, or squashed between, those stacks of stones. There must have been some really bad days. I bet there were plenty of “3 Stooges” moments as the communication between workers was misconstrued with serious consequences: “You moron, I said to push on the count of 3, not 2”.

Take a gaze at the perfect lines of the geometric shape on the horizon. You can’t draw a line any straighter. A line drawn 4,500 years ago is still straight today. This pyramid looks digitally created. This isn’t funny, it’s staggering.

I was 19 and had been in Europe for awhile and I flew all the way to Cairo just to see these miracles. It’s almost as if I didn’t believe they existed. I had to see it for myself. I still didn't believe it.

How did they get built with such precision? It's an unmatched feat of engineering and execution…..to this day. For comparison, we built the Brooklyn Bridge in 1883. Both Manhattan and Brooklyn shut down the day it opened with a giant fireworks display the likes of which had never been witnessed before. Everyone who built that bridge had shoes. It allowed us to connect Manhattan and Brooklyn. It was a colossal achievement with some unprecedented heroics. Actually, we finished it in 1883 and we started it in 1869. It took us 14 years to build. It may have been the greatest, or among the greatest, man made structures ever built. Yet, a mere Legos project, a toy, compared to building the Pyramids (3 of them) a full 4,500 years prior (wearing flip flops). It took only 20 years to build the three pyramids….what? I did some amateur calculating and if those farmers moved (from 500 miles away), cut, and placed in their final resting places 1,000 of those huge stones per day every day for 365 days it would take 6.3 years just to build Cheops. 21st century man would have no chance of coming anywhere near that mark. I don’t even think 30th century man could do that....not even close. we are talking 3 ton rocks.

I almost forgot. This is where you need to be sitting down. Up until now you could just let your jaw drop but you haven’t heard yet that these stones, these 2 to 3 ton stones, most of them were hauled from Answa, a full 500 miles away…….what? How do you begin to move 3 ton stones 500 miles. Did they have 500 miles of roads to push them on...with “heave-ho” technology? And we think Vince Lombardi’s Green Bay Packers were tough. Did they even have horses then or were they a later invention? After you’ve pushed one 3 ton stone a mile along the sand you have 499 miles to go before you even start putting the pyramid thing together?

Shouldn’t there be an unfinished pyramid nearby? A testament to the fact that the “farmers” had had enough and were sick and tired of building pyramids. They could have gone on strike until at least a proper shoe was invented.

More craziness: Shoes were extremely rare in 4500 BC. The shoes that did exist were basically worthless for moving 3 ton stones 500 feet into the air. No Vibram soles or steel toed boots, not even Sketchers. I’m sure they would have been more than thrilled to have Crocs. It’s almost a certainty that virtually all the workers wore open toed sandals or were bare footed. Try leveraging a 3 ton stone up a steep incline with a bunch of other “farmers” who are all barefoot or wearing flip flops. Where do you grab the thing? "You grab one end and I'll grab the other" doesn't work for 3 ton stones that are 6 feet tall. No, these weren’t pianos they were moving. Pianos would have been a picnic. There are no words that can properly put this into any historical perspective. We still don’t know how they did it. Our historians and archeologists are guessing……there are many respected people who think that aliens had to have been involved. Who am I to challenge that theory? It sounds pretty good to me.

Imagine the person whose idea it was to build something on this scale. What was he thinking…..That guy could have built Yankee Stadium during his lunch break.

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one” -John Lennon (Apparently you aren't the only dreamer, John).