Martinez Author Prepares Release Of New Book: "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff For Moms"

In seven days, the latest book in the Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff series will be released: Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff For Moms. Its author, Kristine Carlson (a Martinez resident) agreed recently to sit down with Martinez Patch and tell us about her book.

“This is not a departure from the “Don’t Sweat” series,” she said. “There are 100 chapters, with each chapter being a topic of concern. The idea is to help moms understand various situations in a new way. It’s about becoming less reactive, and more responsive.”

It’s difficult to believe that Carlson, who appears to be the epitome of calm and ease, could ever lose her temper, utter a harsh word or have a parental meltdown, but she assures her visitor otherwise. Still, she said she employees the techniques in her book, and it helps her come through times of tension, anger and fear with more focus and far fewer things to be sorry about.

“As parents, we’re always putting out fires,” she said. “We often don’t stop to breathe before we speak. One of the things I suggest in the book is to take three breaths before you speak, especially with teenagers. Take a moment to digest what they’re saying, what they’re feeling.”

As any parent of a teenager knows, that’s easier said than done. For instance, when my teenager looks at me and explains, in a barely-patient tone of voice, why doing his history or math homework is of no value to him, and that he will not do it, no matter what arguments I may present, what he may be feeling at the moment is of very little relevance to me, at least at first. What I want him to feel is the back of my hand on the back of his head.

But Carlson looks as though she knows what she’s talking about, so I gave it a shot on Monday night, when my teenager once again refused to do his homework. I felt the familiar feelings of frustration and rage arise, and prepared to fire the same tired salvos about his future and his security, blah blah blah. Stuff he’s heard a million times. Instead, I took three deep breaths, and invited him to tell me what was going on. And he did. He told me of the difficulties he was having keeping up in class, the trouble he was having taking notes. A lot of it was just making excuses, but there were real troubles in there, as well.

In the end, he went to his room and continued refusing to do his homework. But the difference was, I felt better because I hadn’t yelled at him, and he felt heard. Perhaps tomorrow night we can move toward getting some work done. So if the technique didn’t resolve the problem overnight, it at least gave both of us some room in which to communicate with each other instead of just butting heads.

And that’s what Carlson meant when she said “true contentment is being ok with life as it is, not always struggling upstream. Happy people are just happy, no matter what.”

Carlson became widowed five years ago, a journey she wrote about in her best-selling book Heartbroken Open. She has also authored several other Small Stuff volumes, including Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff for Women, and Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff In Love.

Not bad for a woman who didn’t believe she was much of a writer.

“Richard was the one who encouraged me,” she said. “It was daunting at first.”

Now she gets up very early each morning and writes for two or three hours, and then spends the rest of the day attending to her busy life.

It’s a life that’s about to get even busier, because Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff For Moms will be released in just seven days, on April 10. And at that point, Carlson will be on the road, making appearances on national TV and local bookstores, letting folks know it’s on the shelves.

For more information about the book or about Kristine, visit her website. And if you’ve ever found yourself at your wits’ end over your child’s behavior, you should definitely pick up a copy of her new book.

After all, you might as well give yourself a break. It’s a good bet your kid isn’t going to.