Q&A: Author Says Etiquette is Children's 'Foundation for Emotional Intelligence'

For this week's Moms Talk, I'm going to try something different. Instead of hearing from Dr. Mom, San Bruno Patch Editor Martin Ricard caught up with Karin Lefranc, a children's etiquette teacher and author of the new book, "A Quest for Good Manners," for a Q&A. She was in San Bruno Tuesday for a . 

Aside from writing about and teaching etiquette, Lefranc runs a children’s store in Avon, CT, called Over the Moon where she also holds kids yoga classes. She and her family settled in nearby Simsbury after Lefranc traveled the world working for IDG Books to license the “Dummies” series into different languages. 

San Bruno Patch: Have you found that a lot of parents struggle to teach their kids manners?

Karin LeFranc: Yes. I think all parents—not just in the United States but around the world—we all struggle to reinforce good manners in our kids. Children are born with a sense of entitlement. When they cry, we pick them up. When they’re hungry we feed them. But I think it’s also important to try to change that sense of entitlement into sense of gratitude. 

Patch: You’ve said that you understand the never-ending quest to teach young boys and young girls to say please and thank you. Why is that important?

LeFranc: That is foundation of teaching gratitude. And there are all these studies coming out now all over the country—University of Florida, UC Davis—that show that adults and children who are taught gratitude or who practice daily gratitude exercises show greater focus, greater self-confidence, more energy, are happier.

So this is not just about some etiquette lesson. This is about the foundation of emotional intelligence. This is about how your child sees the world. 

Patch: Where did you learn about proper etiquette?

LeFranc: Well, from my parents, growing up. I went to an English school in south Africa. Then we moved to England and I learned a lot about manners in school and being a part of the English culture, which teaches the importance of everybody saying please and thank you. And then, later when started teaching, I became certified as a children’s etiquette teacher to really be able to teach it as well take from my own experience. 

Patch: It’s interesting how you said when you were growing up in England they incorporated that into the teaching because over here, in grade school, that’s usually not one of the lessons you’re going to get in class. Usually you learn that at home or it’s a cultural thing. So it’s interesting to see how different people learn what’s proper etiquette. 

LeFranc: Yeah, there are different parts. Like table manners, mostly it’s the parents who teach it. Some private schools do teach table manners. But I think teachers today teach the basics of good manners, like "please" and "thank you," on all levels.

In a classroom, it’s easier to maintain. If children are interrupting each other all the time, it doesn’t make for a good classroom if they’re not saying "please" and "thank you."

It’s an issue of respect. And also it’s about noticing other people. Everybody wants to be noticed. If you say "Hi" and if you know their name, people love that. Like I say to my kids, "Don’t you love it when you’re on a playground and someone says 'Hey, Sam. How are you?'" Grownups love it too. When somebody says your name, it feels awesome. 

Patch: What’s the one thing you most want people to take away from your book?

LeFranc: Good manners are about making other people feel comfortable and at ease and about showing respect to other and kindness.

For more information about Karin LeFranc's book, "A Quest for Good Manners," visit her website.