The 4 People You See in the Gym

The guy whose arms are as big as your legs 

The guy comes to the and stays for hours lifting weights that weigh at least 1/3 of your weight. He wears cut off t-shirts from UFC fights. This guy undoubtedly has a few tattoos and may even have a tanning-bed tan in the middle of winter. He grunts a lot when he lifts weights, which is OK because he’s lifting a small car with each bicep curl.

The elderly woman who is kicking your butt

She steps on the treadmill next to you and you assume she’s walking slowly as part of a physical therapy program after her hip replacement surgery. Then, she starts busting out those 6-minute miles on an incline while you’re doing a walk/run combo. You look down, expecting some orthotic shoes, just to find out that she’s sporting Vibram Five Fingers.

The cellphone talker

You know what he’s having for dinner. You know what she’s doing with her boyfriend tonight. You know that her mom’s best friend is sick. The cellphone talker is the loudest person in the gym—even louder than the music. They use their run as a time to catch up on correspondance and business calls.

The cable guy

This guy is usually there with a friend. Neither of them have any muscle tone whatsoever because they never actually work out. These guys just stand around watching TVs at the gym and talking about whatever game is on ESPN at the time. The only valid explanation is that these guys live in an area where a gym membership is less expensive than buying cable. These guys can be found at the gym on Saturday afternoons in the fall and Monday nights during basketball season.