How To Avoid COVID '19 Pounds' During Extended Stay Home Order

CHICAGO — As I felt my belly push against the desk while watching J.B. Pritzker's daily coronavirus news conference, I wondered: Does everybody look like they're getting fatter during the pandemic, or is it just me and the governor?

So, I asked around. First, taking a poll of my "friends" on Facebook, trolls and all, to find out if the "Stay-at-home, save lives" movement has been growing … waistlines.

"I'm not saying my diet is poor, but I do believe I have the first diagnosed case of Type II coronavirus," a high school pal wrote.

A furloughed suburban dad said he's gained 14 pounds — alarmingly close to making the "I've got the COVID (19 pounds)" joke a reality — because ice cream shops are "essential businesses."

My cousin Mary said she's lost 5 pounds, and her sister, Ann-Marie, reported finding them.

A skinny former City Hall reporter opined about her "newfound appreciation for elastic waistbands." A Tribune columnist didn't bite: "Not getting me on that scale. Everything informal still fits."

A baseball fan provided notes from his coronavirus weight-gain box score: Up "9 pounds and we're only in the second inning." A former White Sox spokeswoman offered a solution: "I threw my scale out the window."

After being cooped-up for handful of weeks, so many examples of self fat-shaming felt comforting — like the pair of stretchy jeans I wear every single day.

Until, that is, braggarts who allegedly have shed bushels of weight chimed in, including an already petite college pal who just had to tell everybody she lost 7 pounds during the pandemic thanks to "lots of time to exercise!"

"I bet our dog as lost weight, too," she said. "She's gotten a long walk every day."

And a former bartender with a condition that's supposed to add personal heft chided: "First trimester of pregnancy got me down 8 pounds."

I started to loathe those people, and feel bad about myself. So, I put down my phone, got off the couch and got some exercise — a 16-step commute back to the padded chair at my desk to keep tabs on Chicago's contentious City Council meeting on Facebook Live.

While I stress-ate Rice Krispies, Ald. Ray Lopez lead a parliamentary move to block Mayor Lori Lightfoot's proposal to extend her executive powers during the coronavirus crisis. Lopez accused Lightfoot of making a power grab. The mayor called him a grandstander.

When the political soap opera was over, I noticed Lightfoot's oversized blazer, a fashion move I've used for belly coverage, and remembered so many social media photos of Ald. Lopez, with what looks like a slight double chin, lazing around his home office with his dogs.

I figured if city leaders at the center of a mid-pandemic power struggle playing out on Facebook Live were getting fat, too, I should probably stop beating myself up and celebrate with a nice craft beer, or a fudge pop.

The next day, unhelpful news trickled out of City Hall.

"I gained weight pre-COVID so I have zero excuse," Lightfoot said in response to my ridiculous query about mayoral weight gain, "but trying hard not to put on the COVID-19." Pounds, that is.

Talking to Lopez made me feel even worse.

"I'm not becoming fat," the 15th Ward boss said. "My dogs require lot of energy and taking those guys out for 2,500 steps before breakfasts great way keep from packing on the weight."

Lopez doesn't only track his steps and eat healthy. "The Fitbit my husband bought for me tracks my heart rate," he bragged. The device is helpful, Lopez said, when his heart gets pumping while working out on his WaterRower — the exercise machine made popular by Kevin Spacey’s power-hungry character in "House of Cards."

"Grandstander," I said, after hanging up the phone.

I don't know about Pritzker, but I've got to do something about my belly since the governor decided Thursday to keep the state on lockdown (for our own good) until June, at least.

I reached out to Chicago's public health guru, Dr. Allison Arwady, for some weight-loss tips while on lockdown for folks like me, my cousin Ann Marie and, well, the billionaire with a figure similar to mine who ordered us to stay home.

Arwady didn't have time to get back to me. There isn't official guidance posted on the city's pandemic response website (yet) on avoiding gaining 19-pounds when fitness centers are closed, you don't have a hyper dog to walk or one of those fancy rowing machines like Lopez.

So, here's the best advice I ever got from my doctor, harsh words worth remember during times of pandemic weight gain.

"Step away from the trough."

Mark Konkol, recipient of the 2011 Pulitzer Prize for local reporting and Emmy-nominated producer, was a producer, writer and narrator for the "Chicagoland" docu-series on CNN. He was a consulting producer on the Showtime documentary, "16 Shots."

More from Mark Konkol:

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