A Scolding From a Cyclone: My Favorite Hate Mail of 2012

Members of the media are good for several things: complaining, consuming beverages both alcoholic and caffeinated, making smart aleck remarks, trying yet ultimately failing to properly inform the American public, splitting infinitives, and providing recycleable wrapping paper for our nation's yuletide needs.

But these all rank below our primary purpose: being punching bags for angry people of various persuasions.

This role leads us to receive a variety of interesting feedback messages, some amusing, some apt in their criticism, and others soul diminishing. For my favorite angry feedback of 2012 I have chosen an e-mail that can be placed primarily in the former category.

You see, Iowa was on a by-week last fall, and yet I wanted to spice up a post about the college football schedule by mentioning Iowa State in what I thought would be a humorous reference to the rivalry that my Iowa City readers would enjoy:

No Iowa Game this Week, But You Can Root Against the Clones! ISU Versus TCU: Game Time, TV Schedule, Betting Lines, More

I, as usual, was amused with myself. But one reader, who for his protection I shall call Bob Cyclone, was not, as I discovered in an e-mail he wrote me that evening:

Stephen, As an Iowa State graduate & fan who lives in Iowa City area, I do my best to support the Hawkeyes when they are not playing the Cyclones. More importantly than being a faithful Cyclone fan, as a local business owner, former chamber board of director, and active community memeber, I am appalled how yourself and the "Iowa City Patch " is encouraging locals to get out and root against another state college this weekend. It really highlights your true colors & basically lack of maturity,as well as the overall the views of this online service. So going forward, I will not be supporting, nor recommending your website to my business associates, colleagues, or friends. ~ Bob Cyclone

After reading the headline again, I realized that perhaps my humorous intentions would not come through to everyone, and promptly changed it to something more boring and inoffensive that I can't recall. I then moved on, hoping that I had soothed over things with Bob Cyclone when he saw the headline later.

But in the spirit of the holiday season and the upcoming Iowa State bowl game, I would like to say to you Mr. Cyclone, that although I am a University of Iowa alum and Hawkeye fan, I vote for all Iowa schools, athletes, and Iowans in general.

I still, for example, think that Iowa State was robbed of its Final Four chance by the officials in its matchup against the great "Flintstones" Michigan State squad, I was jealous of Hilton Magic during the Lost Decade of Alford/Lickliter, and there have been several hours of my life where I have actively wished to be Seneca Wallace. As for UNI, the Panthers beating Kansas (who we can all agree to hate collectively) in the NCAA Tournament may rank as one of the better things ever.

Oh and the "So Pwoud" speech is still pretty awesome, to all fans of College Football.

What your angry e-mail did help me realize, though, is that I should be more careful with the tone of my stories, where someone who would not know me might mistake what I thought clearly to be a joke to be a statement of serious intent. So for that, thank you. And an honest good luck to Iowa State in their bowl game. You and all of your relations may have since boycotted my site by now, but I hope this message finds you someday.

As to me lacking maturity, guilty as charged.

Your Humble Editor:

Stephen

P.S. After reading this letter again, i have to wonder if this person was for real or if it was perhaps all a hoax perpetuated on me by someone with too much time on his or her hands. Another challenge of the Internet: nothing is as it seems, and I spend entirely too much time staring at the ceiling attempting to formulate a proper response to stuff like this. In either case, my reply and subsequent explanation stand.