A Family Tragedy (Part 1): A Mother's Struggle to Help Her Daughter

First of two parts

Nine months ago, Kelli Sly, a 23-year-old single mom with a history of behavioral issues, insurmountable demons and depression, took the life of her 2-year-old son, Gavin, and the next day killed herself.

For Sly's mother, Sherri Sinclair of Waukee, what happened on March 24 and 25 closed the window on years of anger, frustration and illness and opened a door to unimaginable sadness.

"She was very unhappy on this Earth," says Sinclair of Kelli. "I hate that they’re both gone, but I know why Gavin is with her and I'm glad. I'm not OK that they’re gone, but I’m OK that they’re together."

Sinclair chose to tell Kelli's story not only because it's cathartic, but because she hopes it might shed light on the difficulties of identifying and treating mental illness. She hopes that what happened to Kelli won't ever happen to anyone else.

The Accident

It was mid-morning, Sunday, March 25, and Sherri Sinclair was anxious to start the day.

Her son, Brady, had just returned home from college the night before - it was spring break - and the two had planned to visit Sinclair's mother that afternoon.

While Sinclair showered, the phone rang. It was the Polk County Sheriff's office. Her daughter, Kelli, had been in a car accident. To what degree she was injured, Sinclair didn't know.

"I remember asking, 'What should I do?' and they told me, 'Just stay there and we'll get back to you,'" says Sinclair. "I knew where she was. They told me where she was, so I threw on some clothes and ran out the door."

She arrived at the accident site. The scene was horrific. 

The car, reportedly traveling more than 100 miles per hour on impact, was almost wrapped around the bridge support under the Iowa Highway 5 bypass near Norwalk.

"The car was crushed; it was totalled," Sinclair recalls. "It was obvious she was gone. No one could have survived that."

Sticking out of the wreckage was a car seat belonging to Sly's son, 2-year-old Gavin.

The toddler was nowhere to be found.  

"When I got there, everyone just assumed Gavin was with me," she says. "They were all trying to figure out where he could be. I was thinking, 'She must have left him at home'."

When authorities visited Sly's Indianola home a short time later, they found .

A Lifetime of Strife

When it comes to talking about her daughter, Sherri Sinclair doesn't hide the strains of their relationship.

"She was a sweet little girl, but we had a very volatile relationship," Sinclair says. "People think I'm a crappy parent for saying that, but Kelli had problems. She wasn't easy to live with."

Sinclair says she started to notice a change in Kelli shortly after she and Kelli's father, Bob, divorced in 2001, when Kelli was 12. Her daughter was moody, defensive and quick to lash out at others.

"There was a lot of turmoil with Kelli," Sinclair recalls. "She was always so angry - angry at her brother and I, angry that her dad wasn't around. I know she loved us, but everything with Kelli was complicated."

Sinclair says she took Kelli to a therapist to deal with what she thought were problems stemming from the divorce. She was medicated but undiagnosed, a problem Sinclair says she never fully understood until Kelli was gone.

"I thought she was just angry and I chalked a lot of that up to the issues she had with her dad," says Sinclair. "No one ever sat us down and said, 'She's clinically depressed.' I felt so stupid after she died. I took her to counseling all those years and she never got any better."

By high school, Kelli's behavior was out of control. Sinclair was constantly called to school to address Kelli's problems. School officials joked that she was there so often she should have her own office.

Shortly after her graduation from Waukee High School in 2007, Kelli decided to go to law school at Drake University, a decision that both thrilled and confused her mother.

"Last minute she decided she wanted to go to law school," says Sinclair. "I thought she's going to be this ball-bustin', lady lawyer."

Kelli painted a rosy picture of college life. She waxed on about papers she wrote and how teachers praised her performance in class. She seemed genuinely happy.

Then, just five months after the start of the semester, Kelli tried to take her own life by mixing vodka and the prescription pain medicine Oxycontin.

"I found out she was drinking a lot and taking pills," Sinclair says. "That's when I realized she was in a really bad way. They wanted her to do an inpatient treatment program, but she thought she could take care of things herself. Not long after that, Kelli called me drunk and crying and said she wanted to come home. Turns out she hadn't been going to classes.

"She had spun this whole story about how well she was doing."

Girl Meets Boy

In 2008, Kelli met a soldier in the Army National Guard named Tim Sly. Her life seemed to be turning around.

Sinclair says she's not exactly sure when Tim came into Kelli's life. At the time, the mother and daughter weren't speaking, a common occurrence in their rocky relationship.

What she does know is that the two met through mutual friends and, at first, he made Kelli happy.

Frankly, says Sinclair, it was about time. In the months before she met Tim, Kelli had attempted suicide, dropped out of school, lost her job and struggled to find a place in life where she could be happy.

But the relationship between Kelli and Tim wasn't without its own set of challenges.

"Kelli was really hard to get along with," Sinclair says. "I knew Tim would have his hands full, but what was I supposed to say? They were both adults."

The whirlwind romance ended a few months after it began, but reignited a month later when Kelli found out she was pregnant. The couple tied the knot in 2009.

"They got married in front of a judge. They were both late. They showed up in these wrinkled clothes -- it was a mess," says Sinclair. "I never voiced much of an opinion, but I knew they were doomed. I have no idea why they thought they needed to get married. I guess they felt that was the right thing to do."

But marrying certainly didn't do anything to enhance the relationship, says Sinclair. Tim's military duties required separation at times and, as almost every married couple can attest, issues with money and family were always getting in the way.

But, when it came to Kelli, almost everything was a fight. That's why, after the birth of their son, Gavin, no one was suprised that what should have been a bright spot in both of their lives, instead created conflict between the two.

Tomorrow: Sherri Sinclair recalls the events leading up to Gavin and Kelli's deaths and how she's coping with the loss nine months later.

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How to Get Help

If you or someone you know is battling mental illness and doesn't know where to go to get help, there are resources available. Click here to find out where to go in central Iowa.