I'll See Your Gray Hair And Raise You An Aching Back

I might be a gangsta napper, but trust me, it used to be I couldn't sleep without being close to my husband, but now I can't sleep unless I have a full on body pillow. I can't remember the last time I slept like a baby, can you? My grandfather napped everyday in his green chair, head back, and mouth wide open. I am now the spitting image of him everyday at 4:00 p.m. on my sofa.

As I age, I wake up and pop an Advil with some Ginko Biloba and tell it to take care of any of the ten things that will give me pain that day and help me to remember my name.

Our lives become a numbers game, and each number is too high and represents something that can potentially "kill us." Cholesterol, weight, and glucose to name a few. Just think, not too long ago the only numbers we were interested in were the cute boy or girl of the week.

When I'm at my doctors office, I whisper to the nurse, "Ill give you fifty dollars and a great Yelp review if you subtract ten pounds from that number!"

We look in the mirror and think to ourselves that we resemble someone that we used to know, and it hits us, we have become our parents. We even find ourselves screaming "turn that music down!" Our new iPhone with facial recognition does not recognize us, because we have to wear our readers way more often.

We run into people and think to ourselves, darn they look old, only to discover they were in our homeroom class all through school because their last name begins with the same letter as ours!

Getting older is mostly being exhausted, wishing we hadn't made those plans, walking around wondering how we hurt our backs, and forever looking and wishing away our liver spots. Did you know the medical term for liver spots is senile lentigo? So, while you're checking out your spots, I'll be taking my crazy hands on vacation to Senile Lentigo, as it sounds like an island in the Caribbean to me.

Have you noticed our hair grows slow but the roots grow like weeds? And, our activewear becomes defective because we are too tired to do the moving part of, move it or lose it. We jump on and off the scale ten times not believing the number that we are seeing and thinking, where has my metabolism gone off to now? Because, said weight gain couldn't possibly be hormones, or grazing those delicious nuggets from a bag box or carton all day. Nope, not possible, we lie to ourselves once again. Remember when a spread was the whole meal laid out nicely on a table, it has now converted into the famous middle age spread! I believe this is the point that we realize we can't bring sexy back because we lost the receipt a long time ago.

We have to laugh in the face of getting older. Recently, I turned sixty and, I'm owning it! The best compliment I've received in a long time is when someone told me that I don't look like a mom, to which my kids quickly retorted, of course you don't, you look like a grandma. at least they inherited my sense of humor. :)

Don't get mad at getting older, it will suck the life out of you if you keep giving it attention. Laugh at it, think funny things, give your body a workout from the inside out, this way, you don't have to take an hour getting ready!

Love yourself, love your life, and keep in mind, your body hears your every thought, make them funny, make them positive!

Happy aging,

Beth