Moms Talk: Graphic Movies

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This week's question comes from , a contributor and North Potomac-Darnestown Moms Council member.

At what age to you allow your children to watch historical movies, with you there, that are also graphically violent? I'm talking about movies with disturbing images and complicated themes like, Flags of Our Fathers, Cold Mountain, and Schindler's List?

: I have a 4-, 6-, and an 8-year-old and I don't let them watch any type of historical movies. My girls prefer the movies with lots of songs and dancing still and I am just fine with that. The one thing I do struggle with is some of the regular everyday kid programing on the various kids cable channels and I feel much of it isn't appropriate for young children, however it is hard to censor what all three of them watch and what is good for one child isn't necessarily the best for the next. I have tried to limit the amount of television, especially in the morning when they are getting ready for school and eating breakfast but sometimes it is the easiest thing to occupy all of them so that I can make breakfast, lunches, and get everyone ready and out the door in the hour we have. In the afternoons we are often busy enough that the television isn't on as we get homework done, practice the guitar, and get going to the various after school activities. 

: This is a really difficult one and you really have to know what works for your child. Each child is different, and some are ready for more mature themes and concepts when others are not. I think it is generally a good idea to stick to the age recommendations on the movies as a guideline — G, PG, PG-13, R. Also, I like to think of movies as entertainment, not as teaching tools. For example, there are plenty of good, informative and interesting history programs on television and DVD without graphic violence.

There are alot of good websites that evaluate movies, and make recommendations for age and subject matter, so if you dig around, check multiple reviews and do your homework, you'll get a good sense of whether a film is right for your child or not. Don't worry about being unpopular when you don't allow a movie that your child's peers are watching.

I have found that there is a big difference, too, between watching a movie on the big screen and watching it at home on television. Movies have a much greater sensory impact via the big screen, and you'll want to be more selective about what your kids go to see at the movies than what they watch on television.

: My sons are 8 and 5. We stick with G or PG movies. I feel movies should be a fun experience at this age. Laughter, not scared expressions, is what I’m going for. They are growing up so fast in today’s world. I want to keep movies a fun outlet for as long as I can.

: At what age you allow your children to watch this type of movie depends on the child. When they were younger we didn't let our children watch any type of violent movies — historical or not. Now that they are older we are still careful about what they watch (with or without us there). I had thought the Lord of the Rings movies would be traumatic for them to see, that they would give them nightmares, but it was not so.  Yet one movie — the one with the Chipmunks that turn into Werewolves (it was animated) — gave my daughter nightmares for weeks.

They have not yet seen Schindler's List although my son during seventh grade was studying that era — both in English and world studies — and the trip to the Holocaust Museum in D.C. was very traumatic for him. For this movie, it's not just the violence, it is the subject matter that is also disturbing. Flags of Our Fathers / Cold Mountain in my opinion are your more typical 'war' movies.

We have taken the kids to see 'R' rated movies in the past: The Kings Speech was amazing and why it was rated 'R' I still don't understand; a few war movies; and one comedy where the language, although not bad, but was just too much for me. It didn't seem to bother my kids. When I asked them about it, they just laughed and said they hear much worse at school.

: Some people allow children as young as 6 or 7 to watch these films, while I wouldn't allow it until I was sure the kid would really be able to understand the context — more like 13 or 14 years old — and even then, I'd want to be there to discuss it with them. I, myself, don't want to see those films due to the violence and cruelty.