Balanced Empathy, Compassion, and Boundaries

Many discussions have taken place on the difference between empathy and sympathy. Arguably one of the most famous takes on this topic was Dr. Brene Brown’s animated RSA Short. In her video, Dr. Brown beautifully illustrates how sympathy drives disconnection and power imbalances while genuine empathy builds closeness and inclusion. She teaches us about facing our own vulnerabilities to create that genuine connection with others and to feel what others are feeling (emotional empathy) as opposed to merely being able to identify (or regret) the feelings of others (sympathy).

Creating genuine connection through emotional empathy and not sympathy is an important, yet incomplete discussion – particularly for caregivers, providers, service professionals, and those whose roles require relating to others on an ongoing basis. When facing our vulnerabilities and connecting emotionally with other individuals, our boundaries may become blurred, bringing inherent risks to our mental wellness, personal resilience, and ability to continue caring and connecting. We are at greater risk for burnout, compassion fatigue, and secondary traumatic stress. The focus thus becomes not how to define or build empathy vs sympathy, but instead how to create those empathetic connections without cost to personal resiliency or sacrificing oneself.
It is in this new, expanded focus we find the missing ingredients of the widely held empathy vs sympathy conversation – sustained meaningful connection with others requires not empathy vs sympathy, but balanced amounts of emotional empathy (feeling another’s feelings), cognitive empathy (understanding another’s emotions), compassion (caring about another person’s wellbeing), and self-care (preserving your own wellbeing). It is a balance only achieved through defining and maintaining appropriate boundaries. When you take intentional actions to set and reinforce the physical and emotional limits necessary to protect others from becoming vulnerable and protect yourself from becoming over or under involved, everyone will feel understood, respected, and connected.

Ask yourself these 11 questions to see if you’ve found that healthy balance between empathy, compassion, and self-care>>