Moms Talk Q&A: Are Tiger Moms Doing it Right?

The Pikesville Patch Moms Council met last week at in Pikesville to discuss books, tips to help your kids with tests, and other issues moms face these days.

With the new "Moms Talk Q&A," moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community have a new resource for questions about schools, education, medical care and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today about books for parenting.

Books: Is the "Tiger" way the only way to success?

The publication of The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua has stirred a rousing debate throughout the country.

Some say Chua's methods of raising her children are too harsh. Others say pressure and discipline are the ways to raise successful children.

Publisher Bloomsbury describes the book on its website:  "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is a story about a mother, two daughters, and two dogs. It was supposed to be a story of how Chinese parents are better at raising kids than Western ones. But instead, it’s about a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeting taste of glory, and how you can be humbled by a 13-year-old."

The Pikesville Patch Mothers Council discussed whether Chua's way of raising children is necessarily the best way to rear successful children these days.

While no one on our Moms Council—Bonnie Greenberg and Charlotte Baber—has read the book yet, they have heard about it. And they favor an alternative viewpoint to Chua's book. Jeff Seidel is the council's third member, but he joined the council after the first meeting. 

Greenberg recommends reading instead The Blessing of a B Minus: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Resilient Teenagers, by Wendy Mogel, Ph.D.,  published by Simon & Schuster.

According to the publisher, "By viewing the frustrating and worrisome elements of adolescence as 'blessings,' Mogel reveals that they are in fact necessary steps in psychological growth and character development to be met with faith, detachment, and a sense of humor rather than over-involvement and anxiety."

Greenberg: "What's wrong with being a B minus?" she said, advocating allowing children to have not-so-perfect performances.

Baber: "And having a balanced life?" said Baber, in agreement.

Greenberg has two children:  a daughter, 11, and son, 15; and Baber has a daughter, age 8.

When it comes specifically to books about raising daughters, the Patch Moms Council discussed the merits of Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, a work that has been around since the 1990s, but was also published in 2005.

It discusses the pressures adolescent girls begin to feel—stressors that can change their behaviors and performance in school, council members said.

Author Mary Pipher addresses the issue of girls becoming less confident and often depressed during adolescence, because of factors such as "consumerism and media pressure to conform to others' ideals," among others, according to a review by Publisher's Weekly, featured on Barnes & Noble Booksellers' www.bn.com.

Tips for Testing Days

Your child has done his best to study, review and prepare. The Moms Council suggested some finishing touches to help your student on test day.

Baber:  Preparing for a test is like preparing for an athletic event, in that nutrition is important, she said. "Eat protein, such as eggs, before an exam," the pre-med student said. It helps students sustain energy throughout the day.

"And eat some peppermint before and during an exam," she said, noting that properties in peppermint oil have been known to help increase the ability to concentrate.

The Washington Post's article, "The Power of Peppermint is Put to the Test, " published in 2007  , discusses the possibilities. "In the 1990s, researchers at University of Cincinnati found that a whiff of peppermint or muguet, a scent similar to lily of the valley, helped test subjects concentrate and do better on tasks that required sustained concentration," the article states.

The article also gives opinions of some skeptics.

When it comes to nutrition, Greenberg agrees protein and good nutrition is important, every day.

Greenberg: "I make my kids a breakfast every morning before school," she said. Her son's favorite:  Egg sandwich. And her daughter's:  "A dippy egg (egg over easy), or french toast."

Question of the Week for Pikesville Moms (and Dads):

You take your children to Barnes & Noble Booksellers, or to the library, and they're busy in the children's section for about 25 minutes. If there was only one chapter of any book you could recommend that parents read or skim through during that time, what would it be?

Advice Needed: What would you do?

Moms Council member Bonnie Greenberg would like to know what other parents would do in this situation:

She planned, and paid for, a family camping trip that will be a couple of hours away from Pikesville. But—surprise! One of her children neglected to tell her, and the school did not inform her, that there is a countywide competition at the school that weekend in which her child must perform—and is being honored to perform—for about five minutes.

Should she skip the child's event, teaching a lesson to both the child and school about the importance of planning and communication? Or should she drive hours back to the school during the camping trip, and hours back to the camp so the student can participate? She said she'll probably end up doing all that driving.

"I would love to hear what other people say," Greenberg said.