The Struggles of Being in an Interracial Relationship

Social media is where I see everyone getting into new relationships and friendships. But the one thing I see in all these social media pictures and videos is interracial couples. They are everywhere in commercials, movies, shows, videos, and photographs. But not everyone knows what it is like to be in an interracial relationship. It takes tough skin and being open-minded to be in a relationship where the world will judge and family may disapprove. I interviewed three interracial couples to hear about their struggles in their interracial relationships, but first let us start by learning how interracial relationships came to be.

It all started in 1967 when Richard Loving (white man) married his wife Mildred Jeter (African American woman) in the District of Columbia. Although later they moved to Virginia, in the State of Virginia, interracial marriages were prohibited. So, Mildred and Richard were sentenced to a year in jail for violating the law, yet the judges suspended the charges if the couple left and did not return for 25 years. Mr. and Mrs. Loving moved to DC and sued the state of Virginia. Later, on June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court ruled. With a unanimous decision, the Supreme Court found that Virginia's interracial marriage law had violated the 14th Amendment. But because this case is a ruling, it not only overturned the Loving conviction, but it changed existing laws against interracial marriages in 16 other states in the US. Now, Interracial relationships are everywhere more than ever. They are on commercials, social media, websites, magazines, etc. Interracial couples flourish thanks to Richard and Mildred, but there are still some things interracial couples go through just by being with each other. But do not just take it from me. I interviewed two young adult couples and one adult couple to get their different perspectives on interracial couples to get their viewpoint and speak out on what they have gone through.

The first person I interviewed was Annabelle Browning (white female), who was dating her boyfriend (black male). When asked to share a personal experience demonstrating the struggles of being in an interracial relationship. She says, “Yes, I can. I remember when I first started dating my boyfriend, I was talking to a couple of friends who were no longer my friends. The first thing they brought up was that I was going to have to deal with litter on having mixed kids and then constantly feeling like they're being bullied or having an identity crisis and that I would struggle as a parent not being able to understand my kids because they are mixed and I'm white.” That’s when I asked her if she thought it affected you going into your relationship or if she thought it was okay and then just moved on. Annabelle told me, “For a little bit, I didn't fully ultimately announce that I was an interracial couple because of where I live; it's not very typical, but it never stopped me. My boyfriend and I talked about it, and he didn't care, so I didn't care, and we're going to raise our kids to be just kids.” The next question asked was, have you noticed any challenges that arise regarding family acceptance and interracial relationships and how couples you dealt with such situations? Annabelle told me that her family was very welcoming of him; they've never had anything negative to say about it unless we're fighting, but yeah, her family's been very welcoming to her mom's side of the family, though she has not met her boyfriend; I keep him away from one of her cousins. She doesn't like them other than that. But she met his family, and they were a little bit more standoffish about her being white because she didn't have that specific lifestyle for him, but as they learned about who she is and they talked to her, and like her, it's been pretty good. The last question I asked was, can you discuss why online platforms and social media contribute to both the challenges and opportunities for your interracial relationship, especially regarding public perception and exposure? We want to post if he looks good, and I look good, we post it. Still, I do notice that he never wants me to mail him when he is not looking his best. He wants to show that he shows that he is not the stereotypical black man. He is like all that type of stuff. Lastly, I asked if she feels she is being judged by society as society looks down.

Yes and no. Tyrel and I both change our personalities wherever we go. Lastly, I asked if she feels like she is being judged by society or if society looks down on their relationship. Yes and no. Tyrel and I both change our personalities wherever we goer we go. I've come to terms more with like I'm not changing who I am to, you know, to get everybody else approval because he loves me for me; he chose me, but I do feel that it was a little bit like I had a little bit of fear that I wasn't going to be accepted because I am. Still, his family has been supportive and likes me; it depends on who you surround yourself with.

The following person I interviewed was Bairon Flores, a Hispanic male discussing his struggles being with his girlfriend, who is Indian. The first question I asked was what some common challenges individuals in interracial relationships may face are. He told me that he thinks it depends on the type of people. Some couples get discriminated against by others, like if a white girl dates a black man. then sometimes the parents often have issues with them being together. I asked him if he was in an interracial relationship himself and he said, “yes I am my girlfriend is Indian and I am Hispanic.” The next question I asked how do you think societal how do you think society and stereotypes impact your relationship and what coping mechanisms do you not have to prevent you from lashing out or saying anything making things like I don't know prevalent or significant think I've grown up to have like a thick skin so I don't let it get to me however there have been moments where I fee,l like and they Hispanics make fun of like Indian culture saying going tom going to have to transition into their like realm of beliefs and stuff like oftento feel like they're just speaking nonsense, but I do feel like that it's not essential to me because the person that I'm talking to cares about me and I . I about them at the end of the day that's all that matters. Then I asked, in your opinion, how do cultural differences play a role and difficulties some couples your relationship that you encounter? Are there ways to navigate these challenges? That’s when Bairon told me “ as well yeah I think it depends on the but I've seen from my cases that usually it's like when their people are older they'll have like parents teaching cultural stuff to their kids and then the kids will try to take it in and try to use it throughout their life but sometimes they go against like certain beliefs will go against mother believes and then they have to pick and choose which one they want to follow I think that's the one that really cements it into more of the younger generation than sometimes it's between them it's just respect and love so I think that's what it is like stories like have you too much other people view them as they're just being you know like they're acting they're being they're being rude or something like that but it's sometimes it's between them it's just respect and love so I think that's what it is stories like have you and your girlfriend ever been discriminated against or like ever like had people give you weird looks or things like that yeah I remember my aunt one time she we were at a family barbecue and she said that since I'm dating an Indian I'm going to have to Start Stop eating beef because they don't eat beef and honestly I like I said it depends on the type of person that you get to raise you get to start off with in the relationship because my girlfriend is although she is Indian she is more americanized she does eat beef she doesn't really follow Indian traditional holidays or cultural stuff think it bothers me too much about it and what turn. My last question is how do online platforms and social media contribute to both the challenges and opportunities for your relationship as an interracial couple, especially regarding public perception and exposure? Bairon then gave me his opinion saying “I do that they're gonna try and feed it to you like it's the norm or it's the best thing in the world yeah I think the Internet is definitely a difficult place when you come down to relationships a lot of the times those people that are posting stuff are not in a relationship themselves or they're just younger people that just have access to the Internet to be able to comment on something they don't really have enough like brainpower to understand the situation when you post stuff on the Internet I think you have to be able to be OK with letting people say whatever they want but at the end of the day you got to have that person's back even if they're in the wrong you got to be willing to go down with the ship like a captain but you should be able to talk to your significant other and be like hey I didn't like this or maybe you shouldn't post this and you should be able to communicate that without any issues without any fights because like I said if you have that significant other there's no point of trying to fight for them and tell them don't do this don't do this when you can simply come and be like hey I don't I don't like that and then in the future you guys will be able to respect your beliefs and what you like and what you don't like and then there won't be too many fights because it's already known I don't like this I like this or he gets mad at this or they don't like this so it's like a preference and a respect thing at the end of the day it.”

The last person I interviewed a friend of mine parent name Michael Wilson. He is a black man dating a white woman and sitting down talking to him opened my eyes to get a better perspective from an adult. The first question I asked him was what common challenges interracial relationships may face. He responded by saying “So if you're African American man with the white woman. What African American man face within his own community is that somehow you don’t like your race or your own color or its we’re trying to be white or you don't love being black and being African that's one of the biggest ones the other challenge is whoever you may be with don't understand enough about the history of the person that they're meeting like maybe with a white woman. She may not understand or want to understand American slavery struggles like you need to be able to love me still while respecting the struggles that my people have found very present you me I talk about it with him but .it's like he doesn't understand it but he's learning to understand he's trying to learn different things and everything like that he has to be aware you're going through a point of color yeah he can't say I don't see color I love you yes that doesn't fly because he may not see you as brown yeah but the world around you to be with somebody that's not brown matters doesn't matter as much as believe it or not as it matters now because I grew up means they teen 20 years old like there was no TV shows anybody vibration there wasn't commercials so that weren't very foreign thing me growing up her growing up is different now.” My next question was how have you noticed challenges that have arised when it comes to family acceptance interracial relationships and how do you deal with that? He tells me that “Mostly just background things like understanding hair, food ,what you can say and what you can't say slang ; like terminology that's very big difference huge they’re huge quickly write post could be potent to write post quickly things around their people that they it is going to better somewhere we have to educate themselves and be well versed in the struggle if you're Italian if you're African American if you're neither American they need to know the background of who you are and know what you can say you can't say what you shouldn't say how to ask to be inquisitive and curious yeah have you observed any positive changes or growth within like people who are interracial relationships over time and will practice contributing to this resilience having mixed kids, TV , movies because it wasn't that way when I was a kid.” Then I asked him how online platforms the social media contribute to both challenges and opportunities for interracial couples, especially in terms of public perception and exposure? He tells me “I would say the challenges are that people get to be Internet bullies online all over the Internet to be disparaging or discourage it while I would say the positives would be that it becomes like I said more accepting so it's like anything else the more you, see it the more accepting you become and the,more questions you may have you become less desensitized to it because you see it more just not that crazy. Like lesbian and queer, you see it now so it's not that much of A strange thing to you; social media allows us to be Social not just in Pennsylvania or not just in Maryland and not just in Delaware it's all over. It's in relationships, so get some more accepting but by default, it also brings out more haters. All would be more disparity. social media as a platform is a good thing.” The final question I asked was how do you individuals and interracial relationships negotiate and celebrate cultural tradition? He responded with a wise word saying, “ensuring that your public partnership is very much valued and understood. you need to know cultural moments And each other's lives; selections can't always be a black Thanksgiving or black Christmas you know you need to incorporate. You both ethnicities and cultures and where you eat would you, watch would you go museums you can’t always be by your race. You need to make sure it's very fair or even.”

Being in an interracial relationship myself I felt like I was the only one who understood what it was like for relatives to make snarky comments or people looking at me weirdly when walking with my significant other. But listening to these people tell their stories and learning about how interracial couples came to be allowed in this country. Makes me feel so honored to It make this story so I can help spread awareness to help people know that they’re not alone.