Question: What Do You Do If Your Child Does Not Make the Team?

Andover Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in Andover.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Grab and cup of coffee and settle in to read this week's question. Below is how the mom's council answered but we want to hear from you. Leave a comment in the comment box below and share your thoughts.

Question: What do you do if your child does not get on the team you were shooting for?

Annette Grams:

There is nothing YOU can do. That’s not true.  You can make a big deal out of it and hit your phone’s speed dial. In the long run that strategy can have long term consequences. For some of us, not picking up the phone is the best and the toughest thing we can do.

Sooner or later every child in Andover will attend their last tryout or not be on the “preferred” team. Andover High alum, Ryan Hannigan is still playing for the Cincy Reds, but even Ryan knows that someday he too will get cut. Till then he’s perfectly happy to be playing on the “other red baseball team”.

You can help your child learn from athletics and the tryout process. Don’t shoot for a particular team. Most of all stop shooting. Someday the car pool card and all the politics will get played out.  Being on the coach’s speed dial is not necessarily a good thing.  Our children should learn to talk with the coaches and will if we let go. A child, to avoid frustration and disappointment (yours or theirs), will eventually take themselves out of the game. Some people call that quitting.  Sometimes a coach does it for the child, but that’s called  “cuts” instead of “quits”.

We need to teach our children to do their personal best and not concern themselves with the rest. Setting goals that are centered around what is their personal best begins with “what is best for the team”. Competition is sweet, but can turn into a bitter contest where team players and/or their parents compare and tear at each other. There is no letter “I” in the word “team”. Some people call that the Team Concept.

Most kids start out loving to play sports. The lucky ones are smiling with any team, car pool, player or position.  Coaches love to pick kids just like that, double ditto if the parents are like their children. You, more than anyone else, can help your child be that key Team Player. Some people call that “getting along well with others”.

Coaches seek athletic talent, but also look for children who dig the game, work hard, listen and learn. Having been married to a coach for over 20 years those are the kids that stick with it the longest, enjoy and get the most out of it. When the end comes they walk away from their last game carrying the biggest trophy of all, being a Team Player. That skill set will serve them well personally and professionally for many years to come.