Father Ronan: The Courage To Be

By Father James Ronan

Have you ever noticed that when you meet someone in a social situation, be that a party or a supermarket, one of the very first questions asked is: "And what do you do?" Everyone finds it so much easier to relate to another in terms of their world of work and that which consumes their daylight hours. It seems to me this is most common in our society and culture. Consequently, when an invitation is offered to someone to travel somewhere, visit someplace and invest some time in something, the question that quickly follows is, “And what will we do?”

Twenty-four years ago while serving as a missionary in Guayaquil, Ecuador, I began a simple program of inviting college students and older high school students to come and spend a week or two with us. In August 1989, 15 students from Cardinal Spellman High School in Brockton arrived into what was to become the Rostro de Cristo program. After everyone was settled in, we began an orientation. I remember clearly one of the first questions: “What are we going to DO here?” Almost spontaneously I responded, "You are not going to DO, rather, you are going to BE!"

Through the years this distinction between “being and doing” has sort of become the hallmark of the students’ experience of Rostro de Cristo. Frankly at the time, I did not realize how challenging and profound this plan was to become. I was certainly more of a “doer” than a “be-er”, yet I believe God’s loving spirit aided us to make this distinction that has become a core element in the South American program and, moreover, in my own life.

Simply stated, it is much easier to “do” than to “be”, and I do not mean to be playing word games here. It is a fact that if I really have nothing to “do” and I am with another person, in another culture and world, my fallback is simply to “be.” And that changes everything! First of all, it frees one not to hide behind any function, role, responsibility or expectation of productivity and assessment. The only thing left is for one to simply BE in the present and in relationship with another. It is a great equalizer that can allow people to authentically come to know one another, absent the judgments that go with the “doing” side of my person. And secondly, reflectively exposing ourselves to the experience of “being” with God, with oneself, and with others, leads to our continued “becoming”.

I wonder if, as a Christian, one really can come to grow in love of Jesus and deepen one’s relationship with him, if the focus of one’s life is mostly in “doing”. This seems to me to be a trap especially endemic in our society at this time. One’s value is derived from “what one does” rather than in “who one is”.  Given all of the challenges of our times and the complexity of human relationships as well, it is simply easier, even safer, to stay on the “doing” plateau and go no further.

Yet tragically, going no further means significant relationships with God, with others and with oneself are endangered. It stifles our sense of awareness and discovery. And it inhibits our ability to grow in self-knowledge and depth of character, because it is in engaging and reflecting on our relationship with God, with others, with oneself and the events of life that shape and form who we are, who we become and how we influence one another.

 It takes courage to BE—to sit with the beauty of who we are as well as the shadow sides of ourselves that need to be brought into our cognizance and the light and love of our healing God. Most are never satisfied with who they are! We are never quite that perfect self we wish to present, so we fall back to our “doing” rather than taking the time to “be and to become”. 

Ironically, God knows us so very completely and actually has little need or use for this silly game. We ARE the work of God’s hands. We ARE a work in progress. We ARE precious in God’s eyes and His love for each and every one of us knows no limit. We ARE God’s beloved children now, in this and every moment of our lives, and to be all of that is more than sufficient.

This is not to say that one should never “do”! Rather it is to say that our doing is most perfect when it flows from our being. Martha appears the most perfect hostess and expends herself in her doing that work; Mary is content to be in the presence of the Lord and no more. The being and doing of Mary and Martha are legendary and Jesus is said to have corrected Martha, explaining that being is of greater value than doing. And as is the case in so many of Jesus teachings, the issue is complex.

One thing is certain, however. We live in times where there is an epidemic of “doing” and not enough "being." For this reason too many relationships are shallow and functional and too few are grounded in love—in the Love who is God and through whom we grow in a deeper and more wholesome relationship with God, with ourselves and with others.

Father James Ronan is pastor of St. Mary-St. Catherine of Siena Parish in Charlestown. Email him at jronan@stmarystcatherine.org.