Dedham Man Helps Virtually Connect People Affected By Suicide

DEDHAM, MA — Joe Cedrone of Dedham knows first-hand what it is to mourn someone who has died by suicide, it's part of the reason he was drawn to help others who have lost friends or family.

For the past year and a half, he's helped create a space for people to share their grief mourning a loved one. When the coronavirus pandemic hit, it pushed everything online, including that space. And as with many aspects of life, the result has complicated how the support group works.

Samaritan is a Boston-based nonprofit focused on suicide prevention, education and grief support. Cedrone is a volunteer with the SafePlace program, which gives support to people grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide. Cedrone was in the same position as his group members once, before he was a volunteer — he lost his older brother Richie to suicide 41 years ago.

"I never stop missing him," Cedrone said, "The grief doesn't go away but it turns into something different."

Cedrone looks back at Richie's life with fond memories now, his voice jumps with color when he talks about him.

"Richie was, above all, a protector," Cedrone reminisces, "I was the wise-ass little brother."

At 20 years old, Cedrone was forced to learn to live without his protector. It took a toll on him emotionally and Cedrone said that at that time in the 80s, the stigma that came with seeking mental health help kept him from being open about his grief and how he processed his brother's death.

"I can't tell you what a world of difference it would've made, had I joined a group like this," Cedrone said.

The new virtual setup of the meetings keeps in tact the most important element of the SafePlace group, which is sharing. Cedrone steers the conversations and works to make sure every member of the group has a chance to share.

Before the pandemic, Cedrone said he would observe members' body language to gauge who was comfortable, anxious, ready to open or just ready to listen. With meetings on Zoom, Cedrone can only see members from the face up, which complicates things.

"I can still read their facial expressions," Cedrone said.

And now he's gotten better at it.

The isolation of the coronavirus pandemic adds another level to the already tough grieving process, Cedrone said.

"To lose someone to suicide, is a different kind of grieving," Cedrone said.

The loneliness of the pandemic and isolation doesn't come up all the time in group conversations, but when it does, it becomes a connecting point for members. Cedrone likes to say that even though each person's grief is similar to a snowflake, they each share commonalities — right now, the pandemic is one of them.

One of the hardest parts of being a group facilitator is not being able to physically rush to a member with comforting, cushy words, Cedrone said. Members in the thick of their grief will often vent and say things like "When will I feel okay again," and Cedrone said it's tough not answer that directly.

"It's so different for every person," Cedrone said, "It's difficult because you see people in such pain and you vividly remember that pain."

But letting the group know that the healing and grieving process isn't a straight shot or even the same path for everyone, is more helpful and best for the group, Cedrone said. Thinking back on his first SafePlace meeting, Cedrone described it as "cathartic" and said being able to watch people connect was rewarding.

Samaritan helped Cedrone find post-traumatic growth through his grief, 41 years later, and Cedrone said he has no plans of leaving the organization any time soon.

If you, or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or looking for help, reach out to Samaritans' hotline. It's open 24/7 for calls and texts at 877-870-4673. If you're looking for grief support or education, visit Samaritans' website.