Do Your Kids Have Cell Phones?

Marblehead Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in Marblehead.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Grab and cup of coffee and settle in to read this week's question. Below is how the mom's council answered but we want to hear from you. Leave a comment in the comment box below and share your thoughts.

Question: How young is too young to give your child a cell phone? Do you put restriction on them?

Karen Byron: Since public pay phones are scarce, I do think that when my kids are old enough to stay over at a friend’s house or do other things without us there, we will definitely get them some sort of phone. However, I also see it being a very restricted one at first. At 8 months and 3 years, clearly neither is ready.  So when the time comes I’ll do the research to determine what will give them access to us, but with limited options for distraction.

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Blakeslee Detels: I'm a believer in your kid shouldn't be the first, nor the last.  Once your kid is out on their own (dropped off and walking from one place to another)... that seems to be the right time. That time is different for each kid, so yours probably won't be the first or the last :) Finally -- no restrictions, but we keep the "charging" in the kitchen so I can periodically take a look at the call and text logs...

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Meredith Tedford: From around 3rd grade until the summer before 6th grade when we finally got our oldest son a phone he pleaded: “Can I puh-lease get a phone. I’m the ONLY kid whodoesn’t have one!” While his persistence was grating, and we were often tempted togive in, I’m glad we held out longer than most.

I’ve determined from my completely unscientific fact-finding that he was, indeed, one of the last of his friends to have one. So he’s right (guilty as charged!) we are kind of old school (strict!) about certain things, but we’re okay with that.
Waiting until he was eleven worked for us. It made him appreciate having it more, which made him more responsible for keeping track of it. He hasn’t lost or misplaced it even once. It was the summer he started riding his bike to Pleon alone and it gave us peace of mind that he could check in when he got there. It’s been great for us to be able to call or text each other if after school pick-up plans change or practice ends early due to weather.

Aside from some minor bumps in the road regarding how late he can call friends and what’s appropriate content for texts he uses it appropriately and hasn’t abused it. And yes, he knows that we do periodically check his texts and will continue to do so for at least as long as we are paying for the phone.
The biggest upside is that by waiting, he’s actually had to learn some “real” phone skills, like we had to in the good-ole-days. I like that (more often than not) he politely answers our house phone or gets in touch with friends via their own home phones and can have an actual conversation that doesn’t involve “yo!,” “beast!” or emoticons.

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Pam Wanstall: My two oldest, who are now 14 and 11, were both allowed cell phones when they began the 4th grade at Village School. At that time, they were walking to school with friends (no parents), so it was initially done for safety. They were allowed to have it on only during their walk to and from school. It would be in my possession otherwise.

I allowed texting for my oldest in 7th grade, but made sure I had an unlimited plan. This year, in high school, I paid extra to put restrictions on his phone so that he may not text, receive, or make calls during certain hours, i.e., while in school, after 10:30 at night, during church. This restriction does not include myself, his dad or his grandparents.

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Xhazzie Kindle: Speaking as the mother of four year olds who is hoping I will not have to deal with this issue for many years my short answer is… My children will have a cell phone when they can afford one. Until then, for my convenience, they may use a family phone but it will not have a camera or texting capability.

The long answer is that I really think it depends on the child and the situation. We have many friends with children much older than ours who have already fought the good fight and now have cell phones. Every single one of our friends, even those who campaigned most staunchly against them, now say that cell phones have made their lives easier.

Suzie gets invited to someone’s house after school to do homework and she can now call and ask Mum instead of Mum having to drive behind a school bus for twenty minutes only to find out she didn’t need to make the journey.

Johnny can call home and let his parents know that practice has been cancelled and can he please get a ride instead of having to walk home with 50lbs of books and his sports kit in his backpack.

So yes, cell phones can make communication with one’s children easier. And for the responsible and respectful child the parent will know when the time is appropriate. However, no one can deny that cell phones are also a terrible distraction and can cause a lot of trouble.

Johnny gets busted texting in class; Suzie gets caught after lights out checking her email in bed. Someone takes a surreptitious picture and posts it on a public forum, hurting feelings and betraying trust and we’ve all seen entire families out for supper where each person has their head down, not even looking at the other humans, while they plow a virtual field or feed the creatures in their personal online zoo.

So, I think there is no one-size-fits-all answer for this question, but I’m going to avoid letting my two have a cell phone until I think they really need one.

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MEET THE MOMS COUNCIL 

Pam Wanstall - Pam is a stay at home mom of four, two biological sons, 14 and 11 and two adopted daughters, 7 (China) and 2 (South Korea). She holds both a BSW and an MSW (social work degrees). Pam is 41 and have lived in Marblehead for 10 years, She grew up in Lynn and has been married for 16 years.

Sharman Pollender - Sharman lives in Marblehead, with her husband, one son, 4 1/2 and a 2-year-old lab. I have been volunteering with Marblehead Festival of Arts for 5 years and have been a board member for two and currently serving on Newcomers and Natives board. 

Blakeslee Detels - Blakeslee lives in Marblehead with her husband and three girls -- ages 14, 12 and 10. Blakeslee juggles a rewarding part time job with volunteer work and getting her three girls to all to their sporting events.

Cindy Schieffer - Cindy is Devoted Mom to two crazy little boys and Lucky Wife to a man who makes her laugh harder than anyone can. Marblehead, marriage and motherhood play starring roles in her blog Confessions of a Serial Swooper. In her words, "I really can't complain. But I do a little anyway." 

Shannon Yates - Shannon lives in Marblehead with her husband Simon, their two kids ages 9 and 8, and a new chocolate labradoodle puppy. She and her family have been in the process of adopting a child from China for the past 4 years and she hopes 2011 is the year they will be matched with a little girl. Shannon has been a Coffin Gerry PTO volunteer for the past 4 years.

Annemarie Rockwell - Annemarie lives in Marblehead with her husband and three mischievious boys. Her sons are 14-, 12- and 10 -years -old. Both Annemarie and her husband work Marblehead and are in the veterinary field.  Thus, a menagerie of strays and orphans reside with them too:  dogs, cats, rabbit, ferrets, fish and a parrot.

Brenda Kelley Kim - Brenda is a Marblehead mom. She is the author of our weekly column, "Not for Nothing."

Darcy Mayers - Is the author of our weekly column, "Playdates for Grown-ups." She is also on the PTO.

Leslie Martini Eddy - Is a former Marblehead business owner and mom. She is the author of our bi-weekly column, "How They Met."

Meredith Tedford -  Meredith has lived in Marblehead for over ten years with her husband and three kids ages 11, 9 and 6. She's an avid volunteer, reluctant mini van driver and fortunate stay-at-home mom. In the "real" world  she publishes "Fans of Being a Mom," one of the largest Facebook fan pages for moms.

Karen Byron - Karen and her husband have lived in Marblehead since 2001 and are the proud parents of two boys, ages 8 months and 3 years. She happily juggles mommyhood with her business as a grant consultant to nonprofit organizations.  They can often be found exploring new hiking trails, parks and beaches in New England with their dog Jack.

Xhazzie Kindle - Xhazzie is a self-employed mom of four-year-old twins.