Moms Talk: Balancing Work and Parenting

Welcome to Mom's Talk, a weekly feature at Patch where local parents discuss a hot-button issue. Let's jump right in to this week's question:

While many mothers sacrifice careers for parenting, some do the reverse. Is it possible to balance motherhood and a career? And what sacrifices are appropriate for the mother who wants to have a career, too?

Nancy Quinn: I think it is possible as long as you are willing to be flexible on both sides. If your career needs extra attention at a particular point – you may need to give up some parenting control for that time.

Hopefully you have a partner, loving friends and family that can help out. Also, if your kids need more of you – then it is important to give them what they need. Take personal time – ask for a flexible schedule. I think more Boston-metro employers are open to this option now. It is a balancing act and will sometimes tip far to one side – but it will tip back eventually.

I prefer to use the word flexibility to sacrifice. I don’t think you have to give up – but don’t expect everything to be done perfectly.

Nancy has been a Medford resident for 7 years. She has two kids - 4 years and 21 months.

Tiffany Reevior: I think every mom has to find her own balance between motherhood and career, and even motherhood and self. While our society has long held very strong expectations for mothers, those have shifted in recent generations. By the time I had my son, almost seven years ago, "mommy lit" was becoming very popular, moms were blogging, and online forums were making moms less isolated. 

I think women are more honest about motherhood these days, and hopefully that will also open up more options within motherhood.  The truth is, a mother who is sacrificing more than she is willing or able for her children is not going to be the best mother she can be. 

We all need to figure out the balance that will work for us, and that's not a simple choice but an ongoing issue.  Of course, access to childcare, equal help from partners, and economic factors all play a role in this as well. 

Amidst all this, it's very important for moms to try support each other, rather than judging each other.  Motherhood is always a challenge, no matter what choices you make.

Tiffany is mom to a 6-year-old and has lived in Medford for four years.

Adrienne Szafranski: Some career paths are more flexible for women with families, and that was one reason I became a teacher.  Unfortunately, it was another hallmark of teaching that made me a stay at home mom:  the notoriously low pay.  It would have cost my salary for daycare, so it was an easy decision to become a stay at home mom.   

What sacrifices are appropriate?  Is that even valid?  We make sacrifices because we have to.  The women I know all "miss" something in their work/home arrangements.  Some miss the income, the mental stimulation, the time with their kids.  No one feels like they've struck a win-win bargain.  I think the balance you strike has more to do with acceptable losses. 

For so many women, it's not a choice: working is a necessity.  You need quite an income to have a home and family, and if you can't do it on one income, you need two.  That could be two working partners or working two jobs. It isn't about sacrifice, it's about necessity. 

Adrienne has been a Medford resident since 2000, and mom to a 6 year-old and 4.75 year-old.