Say Yes to No Gift Birthday Parties?

Welcome to Moms Talk, a weekly feature at Patch where local parents talk about hot-button issues. Lets just right in to this week's question:

What do you think of the custom of goodie bags for kids at birthday parties?  And how about no-present parties?

Tiffany Reevior: I'm not a huge fan of goodie bags, but unfortunately they are expected at kids' birthday parties these days. I groan internally when my son brings home yet another goodie bag of cheap toys that break quickly or never worked in the first place. Yet I know it's difficult to spend a lot of money on goodie bags when you've already paid for space rental, food, invitations, and more. I've heard of some unique goodie bag ideas, like a mix CD with the birthday kid's favorite music on it, or seeds to plant in the garden; I'd love to see more goodie bags like those.

No-present parties appeal to my anti-consumerist side. My son already has tons of toys, including many he doesn't play with that came from birthday parties. However, our culture has a longstanding ritual of giving gifts for birthday parties. Some people take great pleasure in choosing the perfect gift; depriving them of the opportunity seems downright rude. It also seems unfair to the birthday child, unless he or she specifically requests a no-gift party. I think the solution is to limit the number of kids invited to the party; that instantly cuts down on presents.

We've been to plenty of over-the-top birthday parties in recent years (and have hosted one ourselves). But the most relaxing and delightful parties were also the simplest: old-fashioned party games in the host's living room, a basic birthday cake made by the mom, and free play in the back yard. Sometimes simple really is better.

Tiffany has lived in Medford for four years and has a 6-year-old son.

Stacey Hilliard: Just this past weekend I took my boys to a friend's "no presents" birthday party. I think about half of the guests (us included) ignored the request for no presents and brought a little something for the birthday boy, which his mom accepted reluctantly and hid under one of the tables set up for the occasion. On the one hand, I appreciate the fact that most of us (our kids included) have more than we need, and presents really are unnecessary. On the other hand, I think the practice of giving gifts for special occasions is great for teaching kids to give AND receive with graciousness.

That all breaks down, however, when our kids' parties are SO large, that the birthday kid can't possibly play with or appreciate all that he or she is given. And when party guests (and therefore gifts) number in the dozens, any gratitude a child may feel goes right out the window when you ask him or her to sit down and write thank you notes.

As for "goodie bags," I don't know when the custom of giving out birthday party goodie bags started. I like the idea of giving guests a little memento by which they can remember the fun they (hopefully) had at our party. But I also know that whenever one of my kids brings home a plastic bag filled with more plastic trinkets and sugar-packed candy, I find a way to make that stuff "disappear" as quickly as possible.

What's the answer? I'm not sure. But I've encouraged my kids to consider holding parties with fewer guests so that we can afford to do something bigger with them -- I think my oldest is hoping to take 3 or 4 of his closest friends to Water Country to celebrate his birthday this summer. Will I give out goodie bags? Probably -- I'm picturing a mesh bag holding suntan lotion and sunglasses!

Stacey is a mom to two boys, ages 9 and 7, and a Medford resident since 1998.

Nancy Quinn: I think the goodies bags are a nice idea but kids now expect them - which makes me cringe a little bit. Kids should go to parties to have fun - play - see their friends - have some cake - not expect gifts in return. Of course, saying that, I still do continue to put them together for my kids' birthdays. I try to make them useful - give out flashcards or art supplies - something that will not add clutter to another parent's house. No one really needs more little plastic, breakable things or candy around the house - at least I don't!

And how about no-present parties? I am torn on this one. I understand kids now have a lot of toys and having a no presents party is a way to balance this out. It also puts an emphasis on the celebration - which I like. I also feel kids should enjoy this time - the anticipation and excitement of opening gifts with friends is fun for them - and it only happens once a year. I heard of a nice alternative - a book swap party. Every child brings a new wrapped book and the kids swap at the end. This type of party also addresses the goodie bag issue. Also, I do tend to break the rules at a no-presents party and usually give a book to the child.

Nancy has been a Medford resident for 7 years. She has two kids - 4 years and 21 months.

Adrienne Szafranski: I would love to make a stand against goody bags.  My kids don't need them, and it's never long before the goodies are broken and discarded, or just discarded. 

That said, kids expect them.  I have even had early-leaving children ask me where the goody bags were!  My compromise is to get partygoers to create something to take home, like a decorated cupcake or craft project, so they don't leave empty-handed.  Please, as parents, let's shift the focus of the party to having fun with friends, not exchanging gifts or leaving with candy.  

Adrienne is a mother of 4.5 and 6 year old boys, and the survivor of many birthday parties.  She's been a Medford resident for 11 years.

Maria Alcindor: The custom of goodie bags has created a lot of extra waste in my household.  There is no need for more candy and plastic novelty items to be given out.  It seems to be another marketing scheme from big business, along with the excessive Valentine's gift giving.

Maria Alcindor has resided in Medford for 5 years, she has a 3-year-old son.