'Whatever, Bro:' Cops Unimpressed with Sleepy Karate Expert

Each week, Patch combs through the more shocking, surprising and often absurd alleged criminal acts and police-related incidents that unfold throughout New Jersey. Here’s what went on this week for “OMGs from NJ PDs.”

A Place to Rest His Karate-Loving Head:Timothy J. Klein, of Paterson, seemed determined, as so many of our OMG PD stars do, to make a bad night turn worse. It started when a Morristown gas station attendant tried to kick out Klein, 34, who had parked his car there. Threats were made, cops were called and we learned that Klein is a “seventh-degree black belt” with a plethora of law enforcement relatives and a talent for escaping convictions. Unmoved, cops briefly took Klein into custody and … , but let’s say it includes a “Whatever, bro” quote and Klein finally choosing an odd sleeping place.

Future “Crazy Old Man” Gets Results: Heartbreak is hard when you’re 5. Garwood’s Nicholas Piarulli is an admitted lawn statue enthusiast (even with his Halloween costumes) and so was naturally distraught when a favorite neighborhood fisherman statue disappeared in June.  became Nicholas’ impassioned YouTube plea for statue’s safe return. And it worked. The 200-pound “Little Man” was quietly returned and with it, we hope, so was Nicholas’ faith in the world.

A Not-So-Clean Getaway: Maybe Jonathan Jenkins wanted to see if Dove soap really does float in water. Maybe he wanted to try out for the company’s Real Beauty campaign. Or maybe he just really needed a shower. Whatever the case,  from a supermarket. The soap is proving an oddly popular item to steal—a Philadelphia man also was recently nabbed for five-finger discounting Dove.

Bus Boxer Picks Wrong Opponent: Some people just don’t know how to accept help. Or, at the very least, how to not attack police. Gloucester Township Police say Tiesha Y. Dean, 28, of Camden, was fading in and out of consciousness after a few too many while riding a New Jersey Transit bus. But when officers tried to assist her, . After throwing a few punches, Dean was finally brought down for good with a face full of pepper spray—and $15,000 bail.

Animal Interactions: No job is too small for the Haddonfield Police Department, whose officers came to the  recently—and gave us a pretty sweet Peaches & Herb quote to boot. One of the officers involved is apparently in the lifesaving business—he resuscitated an infant just a few months ago. Meanwhile, up in Princeton, in  sent people fleeing indoors and the bear looking for a safe escape. We think the bear—a prolific Tweeter, incidentally—was probably just looking for Thomas Sweet.