Community Corner
It takes a village: Two New Jersey families merge to raise a baby.
A Morristown Couple fostered a girl, helped reunify her with her father.
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When Jon’s daughter, Deja, was born, Jon was staying in a rooming house in Morristown, New Jersey, with several other adults.
The NJ Division of Child Protection and Permanency was investigating the infant’s mother and gave Jon the green light to raise Deja at his current accommodations.
Jon had been at the hospital for the birth and had already purchased items to bring her home: a car seat, diapers, and clothes.
Still, Jon thought, a house with strangers coming and going at all hours of the night was not an ideal place for his little girl. He suspected there was some drug activity, and sometimes his roommates would break out in loud arguments or blast music. His brother lived nearby and would have been more than willing to help, but he was busy caring for his own children, and Jon didn’t want to add to his responsibilities.
“So, I took a shot in the dark,” Jon said. “I agreed to put her in DCP&P’s custody.”
Baby Deja spent a few days with one short-term resource (foster) family before being transferred to the care of Stephanie and Alwyn, who also lived in Morristown. The couple had become a registered resource family a month earlier, with the aim of helping children and families in their community.
And so began their story – one of a father working to reunify with his daughter and of two families partnering to raise a little girl.
Stephanie, a school psychologist, and Alwyn, a professor at Rutgers, were married in 2017 and soon went through the training to be a registered resource family through the NJ Department of Children and Families. Throughout the process, they learned about the importance of reunifying children with their biological families or other kin whenever possible, allowing children to stay connected to their culture, religion, and community.
For Stephanie, DCF’s family preservation goals made a lot of sense.
“In my work as a school psychologist, I encounter teens who have been raised by adoptive parents,” she said. “And while the circumstances and the student’s responses to them vary, I’ve noticed many of them experience feelings of abandonment, anxiety, and low self-esteem.”
When baby Deja came into their care in 2018, Stephanie and Alwyn knew it was likely that they would be her temporary caregivers – not her adoptive parents. Their primary goal was to support Deja, her father, and her extended family so that one day, they could be permanently reunited.
The couple dove right in, finding ways to connect with, and encourage Jon on his reunification journey. When Jon and Deja met for visitation hours, Stephanie tucked a note into Deja’s diaper bag, introducing herself and Alwyn.
“I tried to put myself in Jon’s shoes,” Stephanie said. “If I had a daughter put into resource care, I’d want to know who she was staying with and how she was doing. Babies hit so many milestones in a short amount of time, so I’d let him know what she was up to.”
After that first note, Jon wrote back.
Later, Jon would join Stephanie and Alwyn at Deja’s swim lessons, grab snacks with them at Panera Bread, and attend activities at their church. Jon, in turn, invited the couple to come to “team meetings” with the families’ assigned social worker to discuss Deja’s progress and their case.
By the time Deja’s birthday rolled around, Stephanie’s and Alwyn’s home was bustling with family, both biological and chosen, gathering to celebrate her first year.
There was much to celebrate; Jon was working hard to create the life he imagined for himself and Deja.
Jon’s DCF caseworker connected him with a Morris County nonprofit called Homeless Solutions, which provided him with supportive housing, transportation, necessities like paper towels and plates, and financial management training.
Three months later, Deja was officially back in Jon’s custody and living with him in the nonprofit’s transitional housing. On the day Jon regained custody, there wasn’t a dry eye in the courtroom.
“The judge was kind of emotional; I was definitely emotional,” Jon said. “I had a good experience because I really wanted my daughter back.”
Jon explained that while Stephanie and Alwyn are no longer officially Deja’s caregivers, at his request, they still feel and operate like a family.
They regularly pick Deja up from school while Jon works the late shift at the hospital cafeteria. At their home, Deja plays and squabbles with Stephanie and Alwyn’s three-year-old son, who she calls her brother. The combined families spend holidays together -- Jon cooks the food, while Stephanie and Alwyn handle the decorations.
Six years later, the baby that brought them together is now a first grader. Jon describes her as an intelligent, beautiful young girl whose smile turns even strangers into friends. Jon and Deja moved out of the transitional housing and into their own apartment in Boonton, where Deja’s biological mother visits a few times a month.
At Deja’s recent dance recital, her family filled almost 20 seats. There was her dad, Jon; Stephanie and Alwyn and their son; Deja’s biological mother, grandmother, and half-sister; several cousins, aunts, and uncles; and two foster grandmas – all cheering her on as she twirled on stage.
“There is no such thing as too much love,” Jon said.
If you are a New Jersey resident and are interested in becoming a resource family to take care of a child or teen temporarily while the family works towards reunification, please call 1-877-NJ FOSTER or visit nj.gov/njfosteradopt.
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