Sisters remember their father, a Navy Veteran

Shirley Grande-Harrington remembers spending time with her father like it was yesterday.

As a child, Shirley was very close with her father, Navy Boat Swain Mate Howard McNerney, even after her parents were divorced.

"I had the hardest time with their divorce because it was such a tragic thing to me," said Shirley, a New Providence resident. "I went from seeing him every day to moving out of the house, and my mother didn't tell him we were leaving."

But after the divorce was finalized, Shirley's parents remained good friends and she was allowed to see her father often. But Shirley saw her father more frequently then her mother, Dolores, knew – or so she thought.

"He didn't really live anywhere, so we had a plan. He would knock, I would open the back door and he'd come in and go down into my basement and sleep in his workshop, for years," said Shirley, with tears in her eyes. "We thought we were so cool, sneaking him in. Years later, my mother told me she knew, and she let him sleep in the basement."

Howard, a West Orange Volunteer Firefighter and owner of Red Wood Refrigeration, passed away on Jan. 3, 1978 on-the-job. Shirley was just 11 years old. Her sisters, Evie Scalera of New Providence and Megan Brill of West Orange, were 21 and 14 at the time.

Although Howard never told his daughters many stories about his time in the Navy, they each accumulated stories from their mother over the years.

Having served in World War II and the Korean War, Howard was a Purple Heart recipient and received many other medals. But the family did not have any of his medals, or any knowledge of the ships he was on.

"I met a Veteran through work and I asked how I could get my father's medals," said Shirley, a nurse at New Providence Internal Medicine. "I went through paperwork to prove I'm next of kin. I needed his discharge papers. Finally after months, they just arrived. Everything was there except the Purple Heart. And I thought, 'Well that's odd, that's the only one I really knew he had.'"

Shirley met Nicholas Perillo, Commander of the Veterans of Foreign Wars of the United States, Beacon Hill Post 190, while she was at work and they spoke about Howard's Purple Heart.

"He said, 'Give me his paperwork and I'll see if I can help you out.' Then, a couple months later, he showed up (at my house) with the Purple Heart. Every time I see him, I just want to cry," Shirley said.

Shirley had tears in her eyes as Perillo announced her father, Howard McNerney, at the Purple Heart Memorial Service on Oct. 30, along side her sisters Evie and Megan, and their children. At the ceremony, they received Howard's Purple Heart Certificate.

"We never heard his name announced in public before," Shirley said.

Shirley and Evie recounted many stories of their father on the eve of Veteran's Day, ranging from his service in World War II, the Korean War and while they were growing up.

McNerney, the youngest of four children, joined the Navy at age 16 with the permission of his mother, Margaret McNerney.

While in the Korean War, Howard managed to save 50 men against the orders of his commanding officer.

"He was driving the smaller boat that they used to drop 50 men off shore (onto an island). He was halfway back to the ship when they were being fired on from in the jungle," Evie said. "His commanding officer said, 'Go back to the boat.' My father said, 'I'm not leaving them on the shore.'"

After a huge argument, where Howard almost hit his commanding officer, he went back for the 50 men stranded on the island and returned to their ship.

"He had to peel potatoes on the ship for two weeks as his punishment," Evie said. "He was everyone's favorite potato peeler after that."

But that's not why Howard received his Purple Heart.

"They were following each other in jeeps in a jungle. He fell out and the next jeep ran over his leg," Shirley said. "That's how he got the Purple Heart. He wasn't shot, but was wounded in combat."

But Howard never told many of his Navy stories to his daughters. The only combat stories they heard were accounts from their Mother. Howard mostly told them about the good times he had while serving in the Navy.

"Daddy didn't want to talk about it. He would tell me about hanging off the boat and painting," Evie said. "He loved the ocean, he wasn't afraid of heights or anything, and I think his favorite times were spent on those ships. He had a troubled life after that."

Shirley said she was too young to really ask questions about her father's experiences.

"I wasn't interested when I was eleven," Shirley said. "Who thought he would be gone?"

As a resident of West Orange, Howard went back home to the Brick Flat, where he grew up, after he was finished serving in the Navy.

"My parents met in Bloomfield at Grunning's, an ice cream shop, and she was with a group of her friends and he was with a group of his friends," Evie said. "My mother was 4'10, and my father was 5'6, and her friends said, 'look Dede, there's one whose the perfect size for you. And that's how they met, because they were similar in height. This was after the wars."

Although their mother didn't like Howard very much at first, she eventually agreed to marry him in the early 1950s.

Years later, their mother divorced her father due to his Bipolar Disorder and Alcohol problems.

"I kind of sided with my mom. My mom was a very kind woman. It makes me feel bad because the reason she didn't let him say (at the house) was because of me," said Evie, who had a difficult relationship with her father growing up. "When he died, we were in an argument. So our last words were nasty words. It was horrible. Now I'm over it, but it took a long time."

Years after Howard's death, Shirley was finally able to get her father a tombstone where he is buried in St. John's Cemetery in Orange, next to his father and brother.

"No one told us that he was entitled to a tombstone. He had a marker for years," Shirley said. "So I met a patient at work who gave me the number of some guy named Sgt. Bailey. I talked to him, and after a lot of paperwork, we got him a tombstone. It says Boat Swain Mate and U.S. Navy on it. It's so nice now because I can go see him. Before, it was just grass."

Shirley joked about her father's wish to be buried in their backyard.

"When I was little, he said he wanted to be buried in the back yard with a tube coming out of his mouth so everyday, I could pour down a Schaefer Beer to him. He loved his beer. I must've been 9, maybe ten," Shirley said. "So for years and years, every time I go to his grave, I pour a Schaefer on his grave. They are very hard to find now."

But the last few times Shirley went to visit her father, she couldn't find his favorite beverage.

"We drove to five different liquor stores because I said, 'It has to be Schaefer!'" Shirley said. "So finally my husband said, 'He's going to have to settle for Coors Light because this is getting nuts. It's getting dark, (the cemetery) is in Orange. So the last couple of times, he had to settle for Coors Light, but I don't think he cared too much."

Shirley said she is planning to pay her father a visit today, with a beer in hand, with her sister Evie.

The sisters are now researching, with Perillo's help, which ships their father served on in World War II and the Korean War.