Sex Noise, Pigeon Invasions, Rats: Read NYC’s Worst Apartment Reviews

NEW YORK CITY — Add this to the litany of New York City apartment horror stories: pigeons intent on mounting an avian invasion into a bedroom.

That tale of feathery terror was recounted by a Central Harlem renter on openigloo, an apartment review site.

The renter woes didn’t they stop — they wrote about “HUGE” flies swarming their apartment make life “hell if you want to peace.” But, again, there were the rats with wings with a hankering for indoor living.

“There is also a pigeon colony that was outside the window of the front bedroom and they WILL TRY TO GET INTO YOUR ROOM,” they wrote.

Openigloo deemed the story so horrific — even among the 30,000 reviews posted over the last year — that it made their newly released list of “10 Worst Rental Reviews.”

New York City renters, of course, are no stranger to rats, cockroaches, noisy neighbors, deadbeat landlords, heat problems, lack of air conditioning and other vile living conditions.

But the openigloo list arguably tops most renters’ horrible experiences, and can provide cold comfort for when the heat inevitably conks out in their apartments as the weather grows chilly.

Take this Upper West Side tenant, who found themselves living below what literally sounded like a sex den. Or perhaps a makeshift adult film studio.

“In my apartment, I am currently being treated to the sounds of raunchy sex starting at around 8am and continuing past midnight every day of the week,” they wrote on openigloo.

“I suspect adult film shoots, though that is unconfirmed. Furniture (lighting and film equipment?) is being dragged against bare floors above my head, heavy items are dropped, and I hear a near continuous stream of embarrassing vocalizations and banging.”

Noise proved a problem for another Central Harlem resident.

“The restaurant & bar below is so loud to the point where our floor shakes, often gets loud early in the morning when they aren't' open and late into the night after their closing time, especially when their backyard is open,” they wrote.

Unsurprisingly, pests were a common theme in the openigloo list.

One Flatbush renter even had what amounted to a Lovecraftian experience, mercifully without the cosmic terror and cannibalism. (And, yes, horror fans, that’s a reference to H.P. Lovecraft’s “The Rats in the Walls.”)

“There are rats in the walls and ceilings that keep me up at night,” they wrote. “Rats in the walls of a place that cost $2100/month is INSANE.”

Another Upper West Side resident evoked a classic film — and perhaps mixed metaphors — by Alfred Hitchcock to describe the rodents swarming their place.

“I've never seen so many mice,” they wrote. “It's like Alfred Hitchcock's ‘The Birds’, but with rodents.”

One renter wrote that had “never seen pest issues like this” inside their Alphabet City apartment.

“We broke our lease by getting a lawyer involved after multiple bed bugs and mice infestations,” they wrote. “At one point there was a mouse on my bed...”

Insect issues converged with building management problems for one Greenwich Village resident.

Their building, they wrote, was infested by roaches.

“They are literally everywhere and you cannot get rid of them,” the review states. “I never got my security deposit back because when I moved, they ‘conveniently moved management’ and never answered my emails”.

Let’s return to our Central Harlem renter battling flies and persistent pigeons.

In a lengthy review, they outlined problems with other creepy-crawly swarms.

“If you can't handle bugs DO NOT MOVE HERE,” they wrote. “We have killed dozens and dozens of house centipedes (look them up to ruin your day if you don't know what they look like) and dozens and dozens of spiders all throughout the bathroom.”

Disgusting issues extended beyond the animal kingdom for one Crown Heights renter.

Giant fungal chunks and gunk would come from the sinks and water, they complained.

“Every faucet. Even the shower,” they wrote. “I once almost drank it because I didn't look in my glass and spit it out.”

“We asked for the city/landlord to look into it, who's sent someone who said it's ‘unfortunate but harmless’ - I'm talking huge chunks of black, stringy mold. Be prepared to buy bottled water. There's also mold coming out of the fire sprinklers in the ceiling.”

Landlord — and insect — problems extended to a Bed-Stuy tenant.

Based on their review, the tenant’s landlord apparently has very loose understanding of what constitutes “gossip.”

“While management is great, the landlord refuses to call in an actual exterminator,” they wrote. “Dismisses concerns as ‘gossip,’ is expressly displeased when tenants communicate with one another, I've received texts from him directing me to not speak at all to potential new tenants (while real estate agents are beating down my door showing the apartment before I vacated), but worst of all the landlord has ignored a hazardous German Roach infestation.”

Finally, one SoHo renter’s problems appeared to be a list of nearly every common New York City apartment renter complaint.

“Landlord responsiveness is nonexistent, building has many cockroaches, hot water does not work, AC does not work, landlord replaces broken appliances with used and dirty old appliances in storage,” they wrote.