How To Help A Person Cope With Grief During The Holidays

HUNTERSVILLE, NC — Grief is a complex emotion that has no expiration date, and Novant Health psychotherapist Soltana Nosrati says the holidays in particular can make processing grief challenging.

"Particularly for those folks who have lost people, because the holidays are so entrenched in the family that you either created or your family have," Nosrati explained. "You've lost someone that's important to you, that the holidays are something that they have participated along with you in all these years, and now they're gone."

Since so many holiday traditions surround family, losing someone who is a core part of those traditions can cause people to abandon them altogether. Nosrati advises not pressuring people to jump back into those traditions after a loss.

"So the first step is to not put that much pressure on that person that's struggling and say to them, you know, you really need to get out there and do some things, because it isolates them further," she said.

Nosrati explains that when you invite someone who has suffered a loss, you are also inviting their grief.

"Acknowledge that they have a right to feel the way that they feel. You may not feel the same way. You may not be experiencing that person's death the same way, but they are. And for them, it needs to be acknowledged," said Nosrati.

Secondly, let the person talk about their grief, and don't make it an elephant in the room. "The other thing is make it okay for them to talk about the person that they've lost," she said. "I think a lot of people who have lost someone think no one wants to hear about it." Simply saying that you miss the person who died as well can be a huge relief to that person.

She also says it's fine to switch up traditions, or create new ones. If a large extended family meal makes that person uncomfortable, suggest a smaller event. "It's just dinner. Say, 'we would love to have you at dinner.' Mexican food instead of a ham or, or something totally different," Nosrati gave as an example.

For those suffering from feelings of grief, she says to give yourself a break, especially during the holidays.

"Take a deep breath, remind yourself that it's okay that you're feeling the way that you're feeling and push forward as best you can," Nosrati said.